


days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

by itsagamefortwo



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: (i guess. kinda??), (i have no idea wtf that summary is im sorry i panicked and that happened), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Gen, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Social Media, but they're also in the uk so it's not not underage because it's 18 over here, ok so it's technically underage drinking becuase the girls are all under 21, the last chapter is just extra social media pics and i guess small epilogue kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:34:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsagamefortwo/pseuds/itsagamefortwo
Summary: julie's ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke's about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they've just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.“You!” She blurts out before she can stop herself, and if anyone asks she would blame it on the three drinks she had before leaving the dorms.“He’s the guy who spilt coffee on my jacket earlier,” she shouts over the music, hand gesturing wildly at the table and Flynn follows her hand, eyes resting on the culprit.“That was her favourite jacket!”“I said I was sorry!” He puts his hands up, shoulder raising to almost his ears, and with his eyes already open so wide and his hair curling slightly at the ends, Julie has to wonder how much trouble that look has gotten him out of over the years.
Relationships: (background), Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 122
Kudos: 378





	1. winter

**Author's Note:**

> if the images don't load here's a link to the
> 
> post on my tumblr with them all [HERE](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/637886446304395264)
> 
> also bare with me there is a plot here it came to me in a dream and i will reach it

**winter**

There was a line almost outside the door for the coffee shop, people wanting something to warm them up or just to avoid the sudden downpour of rain. Julie had been in England for just over a month now and she still wasn’t used to the randomly changing weather, how were you supposed to plan an outfit for the day if it started mildly sunny and ended in a thunderstorm? It was January! She had come prepared for snow, not rain, damn it.

From her table in the back corner of the cafe, hands wrapped around a mug and headphones blaring music, Julie people watched. Sure, she was _supposed_ to be working on an essay, but she’d been there for half an hour already. She deserved a little break.

Even through her music she can hear the sounds of the cafe around her. Customers placing orders and rain on the windows and cups hitting tables and people laughing and it’s comforting. The sounds of life going on around her while she pretends to be doing work.

Pretends, because she’s been trying to work on this essay for a week now and getting nowhere with it.

When she’d signed up for the study abroad scheme her mind had been on experiencing a new country, on the places she could visit, the new friends she could make, the thoughtful looks she could escape.

She hadn’t thought much about the _work_ she would have to do, the essays that would need to be written, the awkwardness of settling into a new place, the strangeness of hearing new accents.

The actual creative side of her course she found easy enough, but when it came to writing about her stylistic choices and her themes and her influences and how they all tied back with what they’d been reading about? She was drawing a blank.

Blowing on her drink, Julie let her eyes wander around the coffee shop. It was a fairly small place with an extensive collection of teas and fresh baked cakes and free wifi. She’d found it by mistake while looking for a music shop her first week in the city, they’d lured her in with carrot cake and coffee and she’d been coming back at least once a week ever since. A group of boys push through the door, shaking off hoods and laughing at something as they join the queue.

Something about them seemed vaguely familiar, like she’d seen them from a distance in a dark club, or scrolled past a group photo of them on her instagram suggested posts. Or maybe it was because they just looked like every other group of young adults she’d come across, both back home and in Liverpool. One thing she had learnt pretty quickly was that boys were the same everywhere.

She was saved from mulling it over by her phone vibrating on the table with a text, Carrie’s name popping up on the screen and Julie swapped her cup for her phone, a small smile already tugging at her lips as she read the series of texts on her screen.

Julie’s attention is dragged away from her phone by something – some _one_ – knocking into her table, sending her pen rolling off and her cup to shake. Pulling her headphones out of her ears she looks up as the culprits eyes widen, mouth pulling into a grimace as he stares at the coffee now running down the back of her jacket that had been happily sitting in the spare chair.

“Shit,” he mutters, already pulling a napkin out of his back pocket and dabbing at the mess. “I’m so sorry, I uh– wasn’t looking and the chair leg and fuck I’m so sorry about your jacket, can it be dry cleaned?”

And he looks so sincere in his apology, all wide sad eyes and words stumbling out too quickly and messy brown hair curling out from under a beanie and accent that sounds like home, that Julie swallows back the annoyed retort she had ready to go.

It was just an accident. Accidents happened. At least it wasn’t over her laptop. Blowing out a breath, Julie shakes her head at him once, pushing back her chair to inspect the damage.

“It’s fine, honestly. Don’t–” she pauses, holding up the denim on either side of the collar and frowning at the pretty large brown stain. “Worry about it.”

 _Can_ she wash it? She’s never tried, but well. She bites her lip as she looks at it, the stranger awkwardly standing just a short distance away with a wad of used napkins and his half spilt drink, and yeah, she definitely won't be able to wear it tonight.

“I’m so sorry.” He says again and someone must catch his attention over her shoulder because his eyes dart away from her, eyebrows shooting up and shrugging his shoulders and, it’s kinda cute. The way he seems to be hovering, unsure if she’s going to shout at him.

“Seriously, it’s fine. Accidents happen, right?” She shoots him a quick smile – though not missing the way his cheeks turn slightly pink – before turning back to her jacket, carefully laying it out on the chair to hopefully dry out enough for her to stuff it in her bag before she needs to leave. She really hopes it stops raining.

“I uh– shit I’m sorry. Again. I gotta–” He gestures to the door where Julie can see his friends waiting for him, barely contained grins on all their faces that has Julie rolling her eyes. _Boys_. She looks back at him, raising an eyebrow even as her lips tick up into a small smile, she’s rewarded by his cheeks going red, the hand still holding the napkins rubbing at the back of his neck and a stuttered ‘goodbye’.

Sitting back down, Julie rolls her eyes again, muttering under her breath about ‘ _annoying cute boys_ ’ and ‘ _favourite jackets_ ’. Leaning down to pick up her fallen pen with one hand while the other tapped out a reply to Carrie. An hour more of sitting here, attempting to do her essay and then she’d have to go if she wanted enough time to get ready.

\\\

“So where are you?”

Julie couldn’t hear what was being said on the other side of the phone, but judging by the way Carrie was rolling her eyes the answer wasn’t correct. Flynn leans her head on Julie’s shoulder, their linked arms drawing them closer as they walk, it’s not the most comfortable way _to_ walk, but they’ve already had a few drinks and Flynn gets a little clingy after one. Julie puts her head on top of Flynns as they stumble along cracked stone streets.

“She actually might end up killing Bobby at this rate,” Julie mutters and is rewarded with Flynn letting out a laugh that has Carrie looking over her shoulder at them, eyes softening for a moment before she’s rolling them again. If she hadn’t known the other girl as long as she had, Julie would be worried about permanent eye damage.

“Fucking hell. Okay. Yeah, okay we’ll be like, ten minutes then. Yeah, yeah, okay bye.”

Sliding her phone into her back pocket Carrie took a half step back so she was walking with them again, linking her arm on Flynns other side.

“They’re at the _Cavern Club_ ,” Carrie looks at Julie over the top of Flynn’s head and lets out a loud sigh, “I know. That’s where we were going to go anyway. They’re so annoying.”

But she says it in a fond sort of way. Like how you talk about your neighbour's dog that barks too early in the morning and wakes you up, but always runs over to say hello to you through the fence when you walk past and brightens up your day. Annoying, but sweet.

Julie’s only met Carrie’s cousin Bobby once, it had been a short ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ type interaction as he ran into Carrie’s house to pick up his bag and then run straight back out again.

She’s never met the other three members of the band at all, but she knows, after doing a little bit of internet searching, that their band isn’t half bad. They’ve got some pretty good songs and a small following that she is sure is bound to get bigger by the time they’ve finished being the opener for whoever they’re touring with and their first album is out in the world.

The three of them flash their id’s to the security on the door, slightly giddy smiles on all their faces even now, still not used to it all being legal for them to drink under the age of twenty-one. But the security guy doesn’t even blink and then they’re walking down a flight of stairs, the air getting warmer and the sound of drums and guitars reaching them.

Carrie grabs hold of Flynn's hand and Flynn grabs a hold of Julies and then they’re weaving through people and avoiding knocking drinks out of hands.

Her attention is pulled from the crowd to the stage at the back of the room, a band playing a cover of something she can’t name, they don’t sound too bad, and the part of her that used to fall in love with music every time she heard it wants to stop and listen. But that part of her is small and quiet and shy now, so she keeps her grip on Flynn’s hand and follows along.

Julie doesn’t know how Carrie knows where she’s going but all of a sudden they’re coming to a stop, her free hand reaching out to balance herself on Flynn’s shoulder even as a small part of her is still trying to work out what the song is.

Turning her eyes away from the stage she looks at the five boys sitting at the table, a collection of bottles scattered across the wood, and Julie smiles at Bobby who’s standing up to hug Carrie, opens her mouth to say hello before stopping. Her brows furrow as she locks eyes with a shaggy haired brunette who’s own eyes are widening in realisation.

“You!” She blurts out before she can stop herself, and if anyone asks she would blame it on the three drinks she had before leaving the dorms, detangling her fingers from Flynn’s to point at him. With the music blaring so loud only the boys still sat at the table and Flynn heard her, the latter turning to raise her brows while Julie can see the boys trying not to laugh.

“He’s the guy who spilt coffee on my jacket earlier,” she shouts over the music, hand gesturing wildly at the table and Flynn follows her hand, eyes resting on the culprit.

“That was her favourite jacket!” Flynn props one hand on her hip and almost glares at him, but it loses part of its ‘scare factor’ when she starts swaying a little in place to the music. Well, Julie thinks it _should_ lose some of it’s scaring power, but the guy still looks kinda worried, so who’s Julie to know?

“I said I was sorry!” He puts his hands up, shoulder raising to almost his ears, and with his eyes already open so wide and his hair curling slightly at the ends, Julie has to wonder how much trouble that look has gotten him out of over the years.

“You guys have already met?” Bobby jumps into the conversation before Julie has a chance to reply and Carrie is looking between them, lips pursed.

“This is the girl whose jacket Luke ruined earlier,” the blonde one says and Julie vaguely recognises him as being one of the boys from the cafe.

“Dude,” Bobby raises his eyebrows at the jacket ruiner – _Luke_ , Julie reminds herself – shaking his head in disappointment.

“It was an accident!” Luke turns his sad kicked puppy look on Bobby before looking back at Julie, his hands lowering but his eyes still drastically wide, “I really am sorry about it.”

Julie tries, she really does, to hold on to that small kindle of annoyance that she’d felt upon seeing him again. But well, the jacket is already ruined and she’s come out to avoid doing an essay and she’s finding it really hard to be mad at someone so cute. Blowing out a breath she shakes her head at him.

“It’s fine, I’ll forgive and forget the whole thing if you buy me a drink.”

“That I can do,” the furrow in his brows smooths out and his shoulders relax and suddenly there’s a smile spreading across his face that seems to light up his eyes.

“So, you’ve met Luke. That’s Reggie, he’s our bassist,” Bobby nods at the dark haired guy sitting next to Luke who grins and waves, and it’s such an infectiously happy wave that Julie can't help but wave back. “Alex, kickass drummer,” the blonde who spoke earlier ducks his head a little, an almost shy smile on his face as he nods at them, “And Willie. Officially he’s one of our roadies, unofficially he’s just here to hype us up and do cool tricks in empty arenas.” Willie, who’s sat pressed against Alex’s side, raises his hand in a wave.

“This is Julie and this is Flynn,” Carrie points at them each before claiming the seat next to Alex and looking at Luke, “We’ll take 3 vodka lemonades. Please.” She only adds the please on the end after Flynn sits next to her, nudging her elbow into her side, Julie notices with a smile.

There’s a moment of bodies moving as Luke gets up from his side of the table, pulling Bobby along with him towards the bar and Reggie is waving his hand at her, nodding at the empty space along the bench next to him that she slides into gratefully.

They can’t really see the stage set up from here, but the music is still just as loud and Julie starts nodding her head along to the beat, trying to focus on the conversation happening on the other side of the table. Something about Carrie’s group and choreography and convincing someone to add in a dance break to a song. She’s laughing at something Willie said when a glass is slid across the table in front of her, a bottle of something passing over her to Reggie and she looks up in time to see Luke sliding into the space next to her, a small smile on his face.

“Forgiven and forgotten?” He asks, eyebrow quirked as he lifts his own drink, tilting it towards her in invitation.

“Forgiven and forgotten,” she agrees picking her glass up and tapping it against his beer bottle, shooting him a smile of her own before chasing the straw of her drink to take a sip, trying hard not to blush at the intensity of his stare.

//

It’s two hours later, three drinks and a deeply regrettable shot later, happily on the precipice of truly drunk but hanging out in tipsy land, when Julie shakes her head at Luke who’s standing on the bench. Tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration as he writes on the curved brick of the ceiling.

“Dude no ones gonna be able to even read that!” Reggie complains from next to her, his eyes squinting as if it will help him to read their names better. It doesn’t, Julie’s already tried.

“Why did we let the one with the worst handwriting do this?” Alex tilts his head to look up at Luke, who waves the hand not holding the pen in his face, almost hitting him but missing by several inches to the left and it sets them all off giggling.

“Because the rest of you are cowards!” He wobbles a little as he shuffles his feet to change angle, and Julie reaches out on instinct to hold his leg, fingers wrapping around his calf as if it will stop him from falling. His head drops down to look at her, teeth biting his bottom lip as he smiles at her quickly before going back to the ceiling.

To leave his – _their_ – mark on a legendary musical site. Luke's words, the rest of them hadn’t been able to talk him out of it so they’d gone right into encouraging.

“I think you’re getting cowards and idiots mixed up,” Carrie mutters, head propped up on her hands, elbows resting on the table. Well, Reggie and Julie and Willie had gone straight to encouraging, the others were still on teasing.

“Do you want your name added or not?” Luke grumbles but Julie can see his pen moving, going over the letters of what she assumes is meant to be _Dirty Candi_ , and bites her cheek to not laugh.

“Don’t forget it’s an ‘i’ instead of ‘y’ for candy!” Flynn leans forward, eyes on the ceiling as she shouts up at him and Luke says something, but it’s too quiet for any of them to hear.

It isn’t until he moves to get off the bench that Julie realises she still has her hand wrapped around his calf, her fingers idly tapping along to the song some guy with a guitar is playing behind them. Heat fills her cheeks (that she’ll blame on how warm it is in the club and the alcohol in her system thank you very much) as she lets go, pulling her hand back into her lap, watching from the corner of her eye as he jumps down and back into his seat, a proud smile on his face.

“Now when we’re big and famous people can come and hunt our names down.”

“And finally realise that you have awful writing and question how any of our songs get written,” Bobby grins at him, elbow nudging his side which sends Luke leaning into her to try and avoid it, sliding along the bench until there’s no space between them, and she can’t find it in herself to be too mad about it. He smells like tequila and mint and aftershave all mixed together, not really a good combination, but one she finds herself liking anyway.

“Well why don’t _you_ start writing the songs, huh?” Luke retorts, and starts a back and forth with Bobby, Alex chiming in and Flynn watching it all like a tennis match, and Juile tries to follow it, but all she can think about is how Luke hasn’t moved back. How his thigh is pressed against her leg and his arm is resting around her back, hand near her hip and how if she wanted to, she could rest her chin on his shoulder and kiss his neck.

Not that she wants to kiss his neck. Does she?

Julie furrows her brows, biting her lip as she examines those thoughts, tries to decide if it’s the alcohol or the music or her lack of sleep or if she just wants to kiss him.

Flynn says something and it makes him laugh, loud and bright and unrestrained, head thrown back and eyes closed. And yeah, she just wants to kiss him. Fuck.

//

Reggie slings an arm around her shoulders, the other going over Flynns and tugging them together until their cheeks are all pushing together and Julie giggles, poking at his side with her partially trapped arm.

“What do we think chocolate tequila is like?” He asks, eyes glued to the chalkboard menu above them.

“Not as nice as the summer fruits one,” Julie says back, wrinkling her nose a little at the memory of when she’d tried it. If you liked chocolate, it was a bitter disappointment in her opinion. But she was also drunk enough now not to mind.

“Alex says we can’t get the coffee one. Thinks we’ll have a repeat of the red bull incident.” Luke appears on her other side, pushing his body into the small gap between her side and the next group of people. He’s stood so he’s facing her – them – and rests one arm on the counter top.

“Man he’s gotta get over that, it was one time,” Reggie mutters and Julie wants to ask what the ‘red bull incident’ is, but then Flynn is sliding three shot glasses towards them, salt and limes following, apparently having ordered without any of them noticing.

“We’re standing with mango!” Flynn shouts, shot already in one hand and salt on the other, clearly waiting for the three of them to catch up. Reggie lowers his arms and Julie can feel Luke’s hand brush past her arm as he moves to lick the back of his hand, she can feel herself flushing as she watches him do it. And is happy to note that he flushes just the same as he watches her lick her hand in turn.

Idly, Julie notices that Reggie counts them down, that Luke inclines his head at her before he lifts his shot to his lips, that Julie lifts her own, the liquid sliding down her throat with a slight burn that’s not eased at all by the lime she bites into. She squeezes her eyes shut against it and when she opens them sees Luke grinning at her, eyes full of something she can’t name but makes her want to blush again.

“Y’know what? Screw Alex, four of the coffee my good man!” Reggie shouts next to her, waving a hand at the bartender in front of them who just rolls their eyes but puts out four more shot glasses.

“Okay, you gotta tell us about the red bull incident,” Flynn finally asks what had been nibbling at the back of her mind from the moment Luke had spoken so she pulls her attention away from him and back to her friends as Reggie launches into his story that even grabs the attention of the bartender for a moment.

But Luke is a warm presence at her side, leaning into her space and breath ghosting against her neck as he chimes in the story. If she stepped back, just a little, she could lean her back against his chest. She wonders if he’d wrap an arm around her waist to hold her steady? Julie blinks and blows out a breath, raising an eyebrow as Reggie talks.

“Wait, how’d you get onto the roof?”

//

“So why Liverpool?” Luke asks, hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat as they aimlessly walk through almost empty streets, faint music coming from clubs and other drunk people giggling in doorways. The fresh air has helped a little to sober her up, but not enough for her to know where they’re going. But they’re following Carrie, who has a plan for the night and they’ve no option but to follow it.

Julie wraps one arm around herself, the other pushing hair over one shoulder as she thinks about it. There isn’t really a big fancy answer, no special reason for her choice, she shrugs at Luke, lips ticking up into a smile.

“It was the only place still with spots open,” she can see the slight confusion on his face and explains more, “I wasn’t going to take the study abroad year, but I changed majors and I needed to get away from home for a while. Carrie and Flynn had already signed up and the internet said the train didn’t take too long to get to Manchester or Glasgow.”

“You changed majors?”

Of all the things she’s said that hadn’t been the part she’d thought Luke would zone in on. It wasn’t really something she liked to talk about much, her fall away from music. She still loved it, still listened and wrote and sang, but the passion she’d once had, the _magic_ she’d once felt whenever she sat at a piano? It had gone away. Had been gone for a long time. Had been gone for four years and she’d only been pretending she still felt the magic.

Everything she played or wrote was _missing_ something and no one had seemed to notice but here.

It hadn’t been until one of her teachers in first year had pointed something out that Julie had finally confessed. And changed course and major the next week.

Everyone had tried to understand, had listened as she explained _why_ she couldn’t do it. How her mom and music were so intertwined together in her head and her heart that it felt impossible to detangle them, to love and play music without always feeling like there was something missing. But she knew they didn’t really get it

So she’d signed up for the study abroad, and picked Liverpool because they had a good English Lit course and was close enough to her friends if she needed them. Okay, so maybe she’d lied a little, there was a fancy answer for why she’d moved, but picking Liverpool had just been random.

“Yup,” she pops the ‘p’ and glances ahead of them, where Willie has Alex clinging on to his back, running through a puddle and laughing loud and clear. She can’t help but smile at them, at the carefree way Willie spins around and Alex holds tighter, face red with whatever he’s trying to say between laughs. Luke must follow her gaze because he lets out a soft snort of laughter, and she can see him shake his head from the corner of her eye.

“I’d hate them if they weren’t so adorable together,” he muttered, but his gaze is soft as they both watch the couple; Willie lets Alex off his back and grabs hold of his hand before he had a chance to get too far away. They’re all soft eyes and teasing smiles and vibes that scream about being in love, you’d have to be blind not to see it. Julie looks away, feeling like she’s intruding on a private moment as they share a kiss.

“Tell me about the tour,” Julie says, drawing Lukes attention back to her and it’s the right thing to say because his face _lights_ up with a smile that she’s sure is going to drive girls wild one day soon.

//

Julie nods along with the song blaring through the speakers, mouthing the words so herself as she scrolls through her phone, ignoring the press of bodies crowding the smoking area as best she can. From her spot near the wall, opposite the door, she can see Carrie and Willie and Alex dancing together, wide smiles and heads thrown back.

Flynn and Reggie are talking to a group of people off to the side and Julie can see the way Flynn has pulled her braids over one shoulder and is gesturing to Reggie every few words the way she does when she’s trying to hype someone up (she knows, from having been on the receiving end of it, many times). Bobby, standing with them, seems to find the whole thing hilarious, grinning around the cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Okay, favourite book?” Luke asks, leaning in close to be heard over the noise and if he doesn’t move back, well Julie’s not about to complain. The little space heaters on the wall don’t provide much warmth, and it’s January and she’s cold and someone ruined her jacket.

“Currently or of all time?” She asks, raising an eyebrow as she turns her head a little to look at him. Her heart stutters for a second at how close his face is to hers, she can see the small flecks of green in his eyes, can feel his breath ghost across her cheeks.

“Current,” he says and she can see as his eyes flicker down to her lips quickly before back up to her eyes and Julie really hopes she’s not blushing right now.

“Stardust. By Neil Gaiman. I’m reading it for one of my classes and it hits all the boxes for a fairytale.” She likes fairy tales, likes the idea of them, likes the message of true love and pure of heart and happily ever afters. This one just happened to involve lightning pirates which was a bonus. Okay, so maybe the lightning pirates were mostly a film detail, but still. “Favourite food?”

“There’s this little hole in the wall place down by the strip? They do the **best** cheeseburgers. If I could have one for every meal, I would.”

They’re still standing close together, eyes staring too intensely for a game of twenty questions and comments about cheeseburgers and Julie’s eyes flicker to his lips, can see the way they’re pulling up a little on one side. She wants to lean forwards, close the gap between them and press her lips against his. But then she shivers, shoulders hunching up around her ears as she rubs her bare arms, conscious of how close they’re sitting and how much she just kind of wants to steal his body heat.

“Are you cold?” He’s biting his lip, pulling back out of her personal space and Julie almost whines at the loss of contact and body heat and – well maybe she’s too drunk to be making smart choices right now if she’s five seconds away from _whining_.

“Well someone ruined my jacket,” she points out, eyebrows raised at him and is rewarded with his cheeks flushing and one hand rubbing at the back of his neck which she’s quickly coming to realise means he’s embarrassed or just a little flustered.

“I thought we’d agreed to forgive and forget about that?” He mumbles and before she can come up with a response Luke is standing up, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and then he’s carefully draping it over her shoulders, fingers tapping lightly on her arm until she holds it out for him to slip through one arm hole, doing the same on the other side and then pulling her hair out from under the collar.

It’s too big on her, but the faux fur inside is soft on her skin and still warm from Luke and she can stick her thumbs through the little gaps created by the fastened buttons and if she turned her head a little she could smell his aftershave clinging to the collar. Julie can’t help the little smile that graces her face, rotating her shoulders to let the coat settle better on her body.

Looking up at him her brows furrow a little at the look on his face (if she wasn’t so drunk and giddy and tired she’d say it was something like _**awe** _but that made no sense. Why would Luke be looking at her in awe while she wore his jacket?), but it’s gone just as quickly as it appeared and he’s smiling at her, that wide smile from back at the start of the night when he’d handed her her drink and she’d tapped it against his.

“Thanks,” she tilts her head to the side, loose curls falling across her cheeks as she looks at him, a wide smile of her own and she opens her mouth to say something else – though she’s not sure _what_ she’s going to say – when another voice cuts through and pops the little bubble they’ve created.

When did they even create their private conversation bubble? Julie doesn’t know, and from the way Luke’s head whips around to land on Flynn and Reggie and Bobby with wide eyes, he probably doesn’t know either. But it’s nice to know that he’d been enjoying their conversation as much as she had.

“We’re gonna get food, come on!”

//

“I wanted to be wrapped up in bed an hour ago,” Julie sighed but there’s no real annoyance in her tone as she hugs Luke’s jacket closed tight across her chest, shoulder brushing against his arm as they walk.

“But you also wanted pizza instead of McDonalds like everyone else.” And Luke has a point but she still pulls a face, sticking her tongue out at him and getting a laugh in return. She couldn’t even be annoyed at it, he had a nice laugh.

Plus, when she’d said she wanted pizza Luke was the only one who’d wanted to come with her, the rest of their friends going back to their hotels. He’d walked all the way to the takeaway with her, shared half of his chips and then started walking her back to her dorm, insisting on carrying her half eaten pizza too. It was all very sweet and kind and not helping her not want to kiss him.

“Where’s your first stop?” She asks, because he was about to start a tour and she had school and maybe if they were both back home they might have been able to give _something_ a go, but they weren’t and Julie wasn’t really a one night stand kind of person.

“We’re heading up to Newcastle on Sunday to kick it all off,” there was a slight bounce in his step, his excitement almost palpable and Julie could tell that this was all he’d ever wanted. To play music to as many people as he could. A small part of her remembered what that was like, to want to share your songs with the world.

“Sing something!” She pulled him to a stop in the middle of the street, bouncing a little on the balls on her feet and grinning at him. Because she was still a little drunk and she missed feeling _excited_ about playing music and here was this sweet charming guy who **loved** it so much and felt it with everything he had and Julie wanted to be like that again too. She wanted to think about music without it being tinged with sadness.

“What?” He laughed, eyes a little wide and glassy and with his hair looking more wild then it had when they’d started the night, but Julie was pretty sure she looked the same so she didn’t comment.

“Sing! Anything! Please?” Julie tried pouting at him, doing her best impression of Carlos and his puppy dog eyes and something about it must have worked because Luke huffs out a laugh as he looks at her, biting his lip in thought for a moment before he nods his head for them to keep walking before he starts singing.

His voice is a little rough, from screaming lyrics in the clubs and shouting to be heard in the bars, and his words are a little slurred because he’s a little drunk and a lot tired, but Julie’s sober enough to decide it’s one of the best versions of _Mamma Mia_ she’s ever heard. As he gets to the first chorus she joins in.

They were just two slightly drunk young adults, singing in the street and if nothing else comes of his night she’ll always have this memory of unadulterated joy.

“You can _sing_ ,” he whispers and now it’s Luke’s turn to pull her to a stop with a hand on her arm and a look of wonder on his face. Julie shrugs a little and can feel her cheeks heating, but she keeps their eye contact and smiles at him.

“Only drunk in the streets.” Which is more true then he’ll ever know.

Luke opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off by pointing over his shoulder at the building behind them.

“This is me.” She’s not sure what to do now, take her pizza and run? That seems a little rude, and unsafe. Julie’s not sure she can actually run in these shoes without falling. Luke looks over his shoulder quickly before looking back at her, blowing out a breath and nodding.

“Right, right.” He seems just as unsure as she is about what to do now, which makes Julie feel a little better about it.

“I should–”

“Can I–”

They both start at the same time and then Julie is laughing and Luke is huffing out a breath while a smile grows on his face. The only thing between them is a pizza box and she doesn’t miss the way his eyes keep flickering down to her lips.

“I can’t kiss you!” She blurts out, a hand quickly going up to cover her mouth and Luke’s eyes widen, taking a half step back, retracting his hand like he’d been burnt.

“That wasn’t– I– this–” Luke started stuttering, face going red and Julie quickly shook her head at him.

“That came out wrong! Fuck. I–” She curled her hands into fists at her sides, squeezing her eyes shut before opening them, “I _want_ to kiss you, but I can’t.”

The shock on his face had softened at the start of her sentence only to morph into confusion at the end.

“You’re gonna have to explain this to me, Molina.” Luke still looks confused, but he’s still standing in front of her and that’s enough for her.

“I like you,” she dips her head as she says it, because Julie’s pretty sure she could _really_ like him if given the chance, “but I’m no good at one night...things and you’re about to go on a _tour_ and I’m stuck here and I just, I think– I think I’d like us to be friends. I think we could be really good friends actually.”

Because they’d only spent a few hours together and she’d laughed and smiled more in that time then she had in awhile. Luke was sweet and funny and had something to say about every song the DJ picked to play but sang along anyway. Which is why she doesn’t want to risk a friendship for one night in bed. The confusion on Luke’s face turns into understanding and the soft, slightly sad smile that he gives her tells Julie that she’s right. A friendship with him would be better than one really fun night.

“I get it,” and he carefully puts his hand back on her arm, squeezing slightly before pulling away. “And, for the record, I’m not very good at one night _things_ either.”

Her heart beat sounds loud in her ears and it takes Julie a moment to refocus her thoughts. Friendship. No kissing. Friendship.

“Well, maybe if we can keep a friendship going until we next see each other we can try this moment again,” she waves her hand around them with a small laugh. They could probably keep a friendship going long distance, but Julie isn’t so sure that they’ll ever get a moment like _this_ again.

“Deal,” Luke grins down at her and pulls his phone out of his back pocket and unlocks it, Julie raises her eyebrows at him when he holds it out for her, “In order to keep in touch we’re gonna need to exchange numbers.”

“You make a point,” she agrees, putting in her information and handing it back to him in exchange for her pizza box. “Text me when you get back to your hotel, okay? So I know you didn’t get lost.”

“Yes, boss.” His smile is a little teasing now and Julie shakes her head at him as she brushes past him to walk into her dorm. She’s half way across the road when stops in her tracks to turn back at him.

“Wait, I’m still wearing your jacket.” Julie stars to shrug the item off when Luke shakes his head, already starting to walking backwards down the street.

“No, keep it!” He shouts with a smile, “Means we’ll have a reason to see each other again and have another go at this.”

Julie just shakes her head at him with a laugh, watching as he walks away before tightening her grip on the box and finally making it into her dorm. She’s still got an essay to write and a pile of laundry to put away and magic in music is still missing, but she’s gotten herself a new jacket and a friend who she thinks could make her life a little brighter. So she’ll forgive and forget that she's home an hour later than promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is just an excuse for me to talk about a bar in lpool that i vaguely remember being in and drinking too many desperados. but also, my name is on the wall in the cavern club somewhere that's kinda cool. 
> 
> my aim if for 5 chapters total but if they're all this long i may make it more?? idk we'll see i guess!!!
> 
> [HERE’S](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/637886446304395264) the post on tumblr in case the photos don't load.
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/), come talk to me about stuff!


	2. spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of blood in the second section in the form of blood pudding just in case  
> once again if the photos don't load you can find them
> 
> [HERE](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/638402387145572352)

**spring**

“I still can’t believe you didn’t kiss him,” Flynn’s voice echoes through her phone where it’s propped against a book of Shakespeare’s poems and being stopped from sliding down her desk by her half eaten sandwich. Which hadn't been her best plan, because she was starving and now her sandwich was employed elsewhere.

“I’m not just going to kiss a random guy a met once,” she can see Flynn opening her mouth with a retort so jumps in to add, “I like him, yes, but I’d rather have him as a friend then an awkward one night stand situation that’s made even _more_ awkward when I eventually run into him again because one of his bandmates is Carrie’s cousin.”

It all seems perfectly logical to her. Luke was cute, yes. And sure, she’d wanted to kiss him, but if it came down to one kiss or a new friendship? She was going to choose friendship. They’d connected more in one night then she’d connected with anyone in years. They _got_ each other.

(What Julie hadn’t told Flynn or Carrie or anyone, was about the deal they had made. About how if by December, when she was wrapping up her year in England and they were finishing with their album and they were still talking, still felt the same, they’d try.

Julie didn’t mention it to anyone, barely even liked to think about it herself because she didn’t want to jinx it, didn’t want to spend time wondering what might happen when they tried. What _trying_ even meant.)

“So you’re going to be friends?”

It’s pretty impressive, Julie thinks, how Flynn can convey her utter disbelief and amusement via a single eyebrow raise on a slightly blurry and pixelated facetime call. Maybe it’s the years of friendship that means Julie knows what she’s not saying or maybe it’s just Flynn’s power. Either way it has her pushing her laptop away with a sigh and picking up her phone. Scooping her sandwich up with her other hand. 

“Yes, we’re going to be friends. We can be friends. Do you not think we can be friends?” Julie furrows her brows, both in concern and how many times she’s said the word ‘friends’ in one breath.

“Of course I think you can be friends! He’d be lucky to be your friend, you’re amazing,” Flynn is quick with her reassurance, but Julie can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming and braces herself for impact. “But. The two of you spent practically the whole night together and have spent pretty much every day since talking. Plus, you’d have to be pretty blind to miss the way he was looking at you in the least _friend_ way possible.”

Julie really hoped that the wifi connection was bad enough to hide the blush she could feel heating her cheeks at the reminder of the way Luke had looked at her. She had never really understood what books meant by ‘ _intensity of their stare_ ’ before, but she was pretty sure it was whatever Luke was doing with his face and his eyes, somehow he could even do it through a _facetime_ call. Personally, she thinks it should be illegal. His whole face. Banned. Fined every time he looked like he looked.

“Yeah, well,” Julie swallowed, tucking hair behind her ear for something to do while she tried to gather her thoughts and control her face. “We’re still going to be friends. And anyway, we’ll probably slowly stop talking before we ever meet again and he’ll find some extremely pretty girl on tour and fall madly in love and forget all about me.”

As long as she was telling herself that it meant she couldn’t be _too_ disappointed when it came true. No point getting her hopes up.

“If you say so,” Flynn didn’t sound convinced and Julie rolled her eyes at her friend, sticking her tongue out childishly, to be rewarded with Flynn laughing.

“Now come on, enough about me and my awful love life. Tell me about this thing you're working on!”

//

> //

“Ow, crap.”

It’s not really the first thing you want to hear when you accept a phone call at 8am. Julie blinks at her phone as she pulls it away from her ear to double check the caller id and that she hadn’t imagined it ringing. But there’s Luke’s name and his slightly blurry photo staring back at her.

“Luke?” She asks, hears the sounds of a scuffle on the other end like someone juggling too many objects at once.

“Julie! Hey! Sorry, just spilt one of my coffees. Is black pudding made with blood?” Luke’s question catches her off guard. Her mind is still trying to process the mention of multiple coffees that it takes her a moment to register what he’s asking her. And it just causes more confusion to her half asleep mind.

“Are you really calling me at 8am to ask about black pudding? Why are you even awake?” She groans, collapsing back against her pillows and pulling the covers back up to her chin. It was Friday, she didn’t have class until 1pm, she was supposed to get to sleep late and he’d woken her up.

To talk about _black pudding_. Idly, she wondered if it was too early in their friendship to just hang up without it seeming too rude.

“Last night Reg said it was like haggis, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Because I swear haggis is like, sheep. And you’d think blood pudding would be, y’know, blood. Given its name.” He kept talking away, apparently not at all discouraged by her lack of response.

Julie let her eyes fall shut as she listened to him talk, to his voice and not really what he was saying. He had a very nice voice, it was kind of soothing, letting his excitement and enthusiasm wash over her. How could someone be so enthused about a random food at 8am? Julie struggles to follow his train of thought and why she was his chosen person to call about the matter. But she doesn't think he really wants her input anyway. Just an excuse to call her.

She’d been guilty of a similar thing. Calling him for no real reason other than the fact she’d wanted to talk to him. At least when she’d called it had been at a reasonable hour and about something more interesting than a weird food dish.

“How long have you been up?” Julie cuts through his rant on weird British dishes, stifling a yawn against her covers.

“Er…” there’s a pause, phone line crackling as he seems to think, “Like an hour? I went out to get the boys coffee, because I’m super nice like that, but they were still asleep when I got back and I _tried_ to wake ‘em up but Alex threatened to throw my guitar out the window so I wandered around the hotel for a while, drank my coffee, then I drank Alex’s as revenge, and then I got bored of walking around so now I’m sat in a park and talking to you. And drinking Reggie’s coffee. It’s the worst one. I hate oat milk.”

Julie can almost picture him, sitting on a random bench in a random park somewhere in Edinburgh, notebook and tangled headphones and three empty coffee cups next to him, all jittery caffeinated energy. It makes her smile and huff out a small laugh.

“You’re going to be so insufferable after all that coffee. They might kick you out of the band, abandon you somewhere in the highlands,” she teases.

“I’d just keep showing back up. Every time they tried to lose me I’d just show up again at the next venue with no explanation,” there’s a smile in his voice and Julie takes a moment to appreciate that she can tell. That they’ve talked enough now that she knows what he sounds like when he’s smiling, when he’s joking.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Go eat something with your fourth coffee please. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Shit, did I wake you up again? I thought you had a 9am on Thursdays.” He sounds so genuinely confused and concerned that Julie tries really hard not to laugh.

“I do. But it’s actually Friday, not Thursday.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Julie thinks that maybe he’s hung up on her, but then he’s letting out a breathy laugh and she relaxes back against her mattress.

“Well fuck. That explains why they guys are still asleep and got pissed when I tried to wake ‘em up then.”

“Tour life is really messing with your days of the week, huh?”

“You’ve no idea,” There’s another pause and she hears rustling and footsteps and then, “I’ll let you go back to sleep. Talk later?”

There’s a note of hesitation in his voice and it makes Julie want to smile, so she does. “Yeah, talk later. Bye Luke.”

> //

Julie spins around and around underneath a streetlight, her eyes locked above her as she watches the streams of light turn with her and make stars dance across her vision. A slight breeze blows her hair around her face and Julie lets out a laugh, light and airy like how she pictures all the bubbles in the drinks she's had tonight. 

She closes her eyes against a wave of dizziness and tries to imagine the stars.

There’s too many clouds in the sky for her to see the actual stars when she opens her eyes and it makes her pout, just a little. She likes to see the stars, to try and find constellations, and when she couldn’t do that, to make up her own.

Her phone makes a chiming sound in her hands and she whips her head down to look at it, Luke’s face filling her screen with a small frown, his eyebrows drawn together and a hair sticking up. A wide smile breaks out across her face and Julie raises her phone so it’s level with her face, even as she still spins around.

“Luke! Why are you on my phone?” Distantly, Julie knows she must be almost shouting, but she’s too happy and too drunk to really care.

“Er, you called me?” Luke sounds confused, but as Julie blows hair out of her face a small understanding smile tugs at Luke’s lips and Julie’s momentarily distracted by watching as the smile spreads across his face, reaching his eyes, one of his hands appearing in frame to push his hair out of his face. She stumbles to a stop, feeling a little dizzy from all her spinning and pounding heart.

“I did?” She doesn’t remember doing that, for a moment Julie frowns, lips pulling to the side as her eyes look at the ground before she blows out a breath and shrugs, looking back at Luke’s face on her phone. “Well, hi! We went out for drinks!"

Julie watches as Luke sits up in his bed, a light flicking on next to him and lighting up the room.

(In the morning, when she remembers this, she’ll probably feel bad about waking him, knowing his sleep schedule is already a mess. But right now, standing in the street halfway back to her dorm, two of her friends chatting a short distance away and a cute guy looking at her from her phone, she can’t really find it in her to feel bad. Just a giddy type of happiness.)

“You having a good night?” His voice is a little rough with sleep she notices, adds a gravely note to it that’s not normally there. Julie really wishes she could hear him talk like this all the time, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night when one of them wakes up, after a nap in the middle of the day.

“The best! It would be more fun if you were here, though,” the words stumble past her lips without her even realising what she’s said. And she doesn’t notice the way Luke’s breath seems to catch through the speaker or the way his eyes widen a fraction or the way his smile turns more into a smirk. Whatever he’s about to respond with is cut off by Julie’s mind returning to her original disappointment of the night.

“You can’t see the stars here.”

Luke frowns a little and Julie tilts her phone so the camera is facing up and only the top of her head and her curls are in frame.

“See? No stars, only streetlights.” She pouts, tilting the phone back towards her with an exaggerated pout on her face that makes Luke laugh and Julie pout more. “Why are you laughing!? That’s mean! I miss the stars and you’re laughing!”

“Jules, it’s not like you can really see the stars all that much back home either,” he says it gently, but there’s still that teasing tone in his voice and hearing him call her ‘ _Jules_ ’ makes butterflies form in her stomach.

“I still miss them.” She mutters, blowing out a breath and conceding the point. She’s honestly too drunk to even fight it and for a moment she sways slightly in place, her eyes staring just above her phone as she gets lost in her thoughts.

About stars and cute boys with calloused fingers and her friends who made her laugh and her mom who had taught her about constellations and how tired she suddenly feels.

“When we’re both back in LA I’ll take you somewhere you can see all the stars,” Luke says softly, so softly she almost misses it, but her eyes flicker down to the screen and lets a soft smile pull at her lips.

“I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi! my heart just says that julie would be a happy giddy drunk y'know?  
> alos!!! i have a bunch of extra ig posts that i'm not going to be able to fit into this fic so idk if anyone would be interested in see them when it's finished? idk man
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/), come talk to me about stuff!


	3. summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: alcohol mentioned, swearing and julie talks about her mom dying but otherwise i don't think there's any other triggers.  
> and once again if the photos don't load you can find them [HERE](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/639515078406930432)

**summer**

Summer had always been Julie’s favourite time of year.

Well at least it had been. Back when summer's meant spending time with Flynn and Carrie, making up dance routines and climbing trees and begging Victoria to take her to get ice cream from the shop near the pier.

Back before her mom got sick and hospital visits took over from dance routines and a funeral replaced visits to an ice cream shop.

It took her a long time to start liking summers again. To stop associating warm nights with hospital a/c and trips to the beach with a distraction technique while her mom got chemo. She can appreciate summers again now. It had just taken a long time.

But there’s still moments when it hits her. When she remembers all the long hours spent in hard hospital chairs and the terrible staticy tv’s in waiting rooms and the half finished songs tucked away in the back of her old favourite notebook.

(That she’s not touched in years but still brings along with her, just in case. In case of what, Julie doesn’t know, but it’s not stopped her from packing it on every trip and extended visit somewhere new. Just in case she wants to look at them. Just in case inspiration strikes. Just in case she suddenly decides she’s ready to finally finish the songs they started together. Just in case.)

Her favourite moments in summer had been when her mom would pack up their car, with fold up chairs and blankets and a cooler full of snacks, and drive them out of the city until all the bright lights faded away and the sounds of cars grew distant and they could see the sky.

Nothing but the sky and the moon and the stars.

They’d done it every year since Julie could remember, always at the end of summer before school started again, always just the two of them. It was their thing. To go watch the stars and eat all the sugary foods they could. Julie had learnt the stars like that, working her way through bags of gummy worms and sugar laces while her mom told her stories and made the world feel magical.

It’s been a long time since Julie had been out of the city and looked up at the stars with her mom. They’d not been able to make it that last year, and her dad offering to take her hadn't been the same. So it had been a long time since Julie had seen the stars so clear in the sky and remembered why she’d loved it all those years ago. Other than getting the chance to spend time with her mom, the stars made her feel like anything was possible.

There’s something about looking up at a night sky, full of hundreds of thousands of little pinpricks of light that fills you with wonderment and awe. It reminds you that in the grand scheme of things, they’re all pretty small. And that people throughout all of history have looked up at the same sky and seen the same stars and come up with their own stories for them all.

“I hate this, how are you so good at finding the constellations?” Flynn’s complaining brought Julie back down from her wondering and winding thoughts. Back to Cairngorms National Park and the crappy chairs they’d borrowed from the hostel they were staying in and the ‘who can name and find the most constellations’ game that Carrie had started.

“It’s a skill,” Carrie shrugged, trying to toss her hair over her shoulder as she did, but she didn’t want to take her hands out from under the blanket, it was a lot of shoulders jumping up and down and head swinging wildly in a circle. A far cry from the usual smooth movement it normally was.

Julie bit down on her lip to not laugh, Flynn didn’t have the same courtesy and outright cackled, but took sympathy all the same and helped move the stray locks away from Carrie’s face.

“Told you you should have bought gloves.” As if to prove her point Flynn wiggles her gloved fingers in her face and Carrie just frowns, pretends to lean forward to bite them.

“It’s summer. It’s meant to be warm,” she grumbles, and Julie secretly agrees. The three of them aren’t used to having to remember to take a jacket out with them in the middle of summer. But England always seems to run a little cold and the Scottish Highlands don't seem to know what the word ‘summer’ or 'warm' even means.

Especially not at 3 in the morning, but that’s more on them then the country.

Julie pulls her jacket a little tighter to her body as a breeze blows through their little clearing – the collar still smells faintly of Luke’s aftershave and mint, like it’s trying to cling to the last remnants of it’s rightful owner for her sake and it’s own, so she doesn’t forget who she wants to return it too one day – and tilts her head back to look at the stars. She can still hear Carrie and Flynn talking, bickering about gloves and a very clear, “ _You’re cheating! You’re looking them up on your phone!_ ” from Flynn that makes her smile.

She’s twenty and with her two best friends about to start on an adventure through a mostly unknown country and she’s looking up at the same stars she’d once looked at with her mom, but everything else is different enough that it doesn’t hurt like she thought it would.

Sure she’s still a little sad, still wishes it was her mom sitting next to her, coming up with a wild story or an on-the-spot song about Cassiopeia. But she takes in a breath of air and feels her phone vibrate with a text notification where it’s tucked under her leg and smiles.

She’s always loved summer and despite all the bad memories she’s gained of the season over the last few years, she’s determined to enjoy this one.

//

“Tell me about the music thing.”

Julie blows out a breath at the question, her gaze fixed on the ocean in front of her as the waves crash against the shore, the sun just starting it’s rise into the world on the horizon. It’s 4:40am and the world is silent save for the waves and Luke on the other end of her phone. They’d picked this time because for him the sun was making its final push into the world and for her it was just starting. The closet they could get to watching it rise together with their hour time difference.

It did also mean Luke had been up for a whole hour longer than her, but he didn’t seem to mind. Julie was just happy she’d managed to find coffee in the small hotel’s kitchen before she’d left.

“How do you know there’s a music ‘ _thing_ ’?” She asks and she knows she was avoiding it, talking about it, thinking about it, but Julie liked that Luke didn’t treat her any differently. That he didn’t know about how she’d once dreamt only of playing music and how now it was like a festering wound in her heart every time she looks at it.

“So I wasn’t like, preying or anything, but Bobby mentioned how you and Carrie and Flynn used to perform together all the time. But that you stopped. After your mom,” he doesn’t say the word, that one little word that still makes her feel sick. But it still hangs in the air between them.

Julie’s pretty sure if she said she didn’t want to talk about it then Luke would let the subject drop. That he’d talk to her about the sea and the sun and the tour and what weird information Reggie had learnt about wherever they were today. And a part of her wanted to do that. To avoid the conversation and having to try to explain all her messed up feelings to someone else. She had no reason to think Luke would understand anymore then her family had, and yet she found herself letting out a sigh and talking.

“My mom she– she introduced me to music, y’know? She used to be in this punk rock band, toured around the US, and made this amazing music that made you _feel_ stuff. And then, even after she wasn’t in a band anymore and had met my dad and had me, music was still this like– it was this huge part of her life. Of **my** life,” Julie blinks back tears as she talks, her eyes still fixed on the horizon as if it will help. “She taught me to play piano. A little guitar too, but I’ve never been that good at it. But the piano, I fell in love with it. Everything about it. It used to be the one thing in the world that I knew would cheer me up. When I think about my childhood there’s always music in it somewhere. Playing in the background or mom making it or me trying to help her write it. She _loved_ music, and it– it was more than that because it was like music loved her too, y’know?”

Julie pauses, to breathe, to collect her thoughts, to make sure she hasn’t scared Luke off with her rambling. But she can still hear him breathing on the other end of the line and the little ‘yeah’ he breathes out at her rhetorical question.

“She was there for every show I did, for every performance and recital, every time I had too many emotions and needed help to write them down. We did other stuff together too, but music was this thing that we did together that– that made anything feel _possible_. Is that stupid? That making music with my mom made the world feel magical?” She doesn’t really expect him to answer, it’s a weird question after all. But Luke has a way of surprising her every time.

“It’s not stupid. You spent so much time making something amazing with someone you love more than anything. I can’t really think of anything more magical than that.”

It knocks the breath out of her, the way he seems to _get it_ after such a short time when even her dad still doesn’t really get it. Julie takes in a stuttering breath, unable to stop the tears that pool in her eyes this time with excessive blinking. So she lets them fall.

“Whenever I used to play or sing it always felt like I was doing what I was supposed to do. Like, sitting behind a piano was where I was meant to be, y’know? It was just one of those things I was so fucking sure about. Like that my dad would make pancakes on Saturdays and Sharpey wasn’t the villain of _High School Musical_ and my tia would never learn to knock before coming in and that my mom would always be there. But then she–– she died. And it was like– _fuck_ , I don’t even know. It was like nothing in life made sense anymore anyway, so why would music.” Julie bites her lip, blows out a shaky breath and wipes at her cheeks with her sleeve.

“I stopped playing for a– a long time, afterwards. I just...I couldn’t, y’know? And I know it worried everyone, me not being able to play. So I um I made myself sit at the piano and play something, anything really. Just to prove that I could. That I can.”

“So you made yourself play for everyone else and then last year you finally admitted that it wasn’t the same anymore?” Luke puts it so simply it almost makes her want to laugh.

“Pretty much, yeah,” she says, blowing out a breath. “It’s like, I don’t know how to play music the way I used to without my mom. Everything about music to me is so connected to her that when I play or sing it’s like something is _missing_ and I don’t know how to fill it.”

“Maybe you don’t fill it then.”

“What?” Julie blinks, a small furrow between her brows as she tries to work out what he means.

“Music and your mom, they’re always gonna be linked together for you. There’s no way to undo that, even if you _wanted_ to. And, honestly Julie, it sounds like you got back into music before you were ever ready to and not for yourself. Which, I– I mean, I get it. Everyone who cared about you was worried and you didn't want them to be. So you made yourself play again. But music shouldn't be something your _force_ , it should just be, y'know, **_easy_**. And I’ve seen the way you used to play and– fuck, it’s–” Luke blows out a breath as he seems to struggle to find any words and Julie feels her frown deepen, just a little.

“You said making music with your mom felt like magic and that’s what it looked like too. That’s not something you can rush back into. It’s not a gap you can just _fill_ in. It’s something you’ve got to look at and accept and use. When _you’re_ ready to.”

It’s the last thing she expected him to say. Because honestly Julie has never thought about it that way, about how it wasn’t something to fill in or plaster over. That it was just a part of her that she’d have to live with, sand down the edges and put up hazard tape but maybe make into something new. One day.

A bit like how the grief she still feels about her mom is always with her, even though it’s easier to look at now, easier to think about. She’s learnt to live with it. No one’s ever said she should do the same thing with music.

“No one’s ever put it like that before.” No one else had ever seemed to understand that music for her felt a lot like magic either. Part of her knew it should scare her how much Luke seemed to understand her after so little time, but another part of her, a _bigger_ part of her, was just relieved that someone **got it**. That she didn’t need to explain it again or pretend it was fine.

“Yeah well, music and pain is something I get. Not to the same extent but, yeah. I get it,” his voice trails off and Julie wonders what he’s thinking about. What memories his words have conjured early in the morning. She knows he’s got problems with his parents, that things are strained, she wonders if there’s story there he'll share with her one day.

The sun is peeking over the horizon now, a small semi-circle of orange light that makes her squint as she looks out, but it’s beautiful, watching the sun rise over the sea.

“When have you ever seen me play?” Julie blurts out, suddenly recalling Luke’s earlier words that had made her frown.

“Oh uh–” the question seems to catch Luke off guard and he’s stuttering, a bit like the first time they’d met in the cafe when he’d ruined her jacket. Julie can practically see him, sitting on his bench overlooking the tourist traps of France, hand rubbing at the back of his neck as his cheeks slowly turned pink. “So I wasn’t like, internet stalking you or anything. But, well when Bobby mentioned that you used to perform and I uh looked some of them up? Carrie has a very organised facebook and youtube channel. There’s playlists.”

And this time Julie does laugh, loud and bright in the still morning because he’d see the jumpy and blurry iphone videos of them messing around for their parents and school and still thought it was magical when she played. If he hadn’t sounded so serious when he said it, Julie would think he was just trying to be nice.

“God those videos were terrible. We got Flynn’s mom to help us make costumes for some of them, I definitely remember us being convinced that pillowcases and duct tape would make the most killer look,” she shakes her head at the memory and it feels lighter, easier than it would have done an hour ago.

“You looked very cute in your pillowcase dress and duct tape headband, I’m honestly surprised it never took off. You could have been a trend setter,” Luke says and she can practically hear him holding back a laugh.

“Alright Mr I-think-jean-chains-are-cool, settle down.”

“Hey! You said my chain was very cool,” he whines, she can practically see his lower lip protruding in a pout.

“I was also very drunk at the time, I was probably just trying to be nice.”

“You know what? As soon as the sun is fully up for you I am so hanging up the phone dramatically,” Luke mutters and it makes her laugh again. How he’d made her go from spilling her emotional guts up to crying to laughing all within a few minutes she’ll never know.

But she wants to thank him for it anyway, for understanding and helping and calling her magical. She’s not quite sure how to fit that into a single thank you though.

“Hey Luke?” She says it softly, almost as if she’s scared of frightening him away.

“Yeah?” His voice is just as soft and it makes her smile.

“Thanks for watching the sunrise with me.”

“Anytime.”

//

When they had first planned out their summer road trip starting in Scotland with a side trip to Belfast and ending in London they’d imagined something a lot more glamorous. They’d planned out all the places they wanted to see and visit that weren’t on the usual tourist route, and Flynn had even bought a paper map so they could mark places off as they went. They’d definitely anticipated more sunnier days then they’d gotten. And the surprise detour into a rural Welsh village was still being argued over about whose fault it was.

(Julie firmly blamed Flynn, she was the one giving directions. Flynn blamed Carrie because she was the one driving. And Carrie blamed Julie because she was sitting in the back having a nap. Either way they’d ended up stuck in a field after following a dirt road and only got back on track when a farmer had laughed at them for what felt like an hour.)

But this was their last weekend before they went back to their respective schools and they were determined to make it the most memorable yet. Full of drinks and laughter and tourist photos and over priced food.

Carrie had spent hours on instagram, sitting cross legged on the weird little half sofa in their hotel room, looking through all the bars and clubs people frequented with the best drink prices and photo opportunities. Flynn and Julie had spent the same amount of time on instagram looking for the cutest places to eat and cheapest spots for shopping.

They’d all reconvened on the bed in their shared hotel room with their lists of places and made a plan. They had three days and were determined to do all the touristy things they could. They’d saved it all for London because that had made the most sense when they’d first made their plan. What was a trip to the UK without a photo of the London Eye or the weird clock thing?

“...and then we went to Camden Market which was really cool. There was this stall with these really cool photos that my dad would love, now I’ve just got to work out how I’m gonna keep them safe until I go home. And oh my god! This other stall had all these old tapes and records of some real old school classic bands, you’ve got to check it out when you’re back.” Julie glanced down at her phone where she’d propped it up against the door while she sat in front of the floor length mirror in the hotel, makeup and hair products scattered around her.

She can see half of Luke’s face and half of Reggie’s watching her from the screen, both of them listening to her ramble about her day like they care what she has to say. Like they’re truly interested in the prints she bought for her dad and the pins she’d found for Victoria.

“Ask her if it’s–” she can hear someone start on their end of the call, the voice growing muffled as Luke’s eyes look somewhere over the top of his phone. She thinks it’s Alex talking, but she can’t be sure.

“Alex asked if that’s the place with the people painted gold and the ones who juggled in the streets?” Luke relays the question, an eyebrow raised as he looks at her. And Julie knows, logically, that he’s not _really_ looking at her, because there’s a screen and a few hundred miles between them, but it still feels like he’s staring right into her soul. Even with the one and half eyes that the screen lets her see.

“Um,” she swallows, bites the end of her eyeshadow brush as she looks away and tries to think, glad for the slightly staticy quality of their facetime call. “No, that’s the other place. Um – hang on, Flynn! What’s the name of the other place we went?”

Flynn’s head appears around the doorframe of the bathroom, hair already done, eyeshadow standing out against her skin – the blues and greens of her eyeshadow blending together so well it makes Julie want to ask her to do hers too – and a mascara wand in hand. She tilts her head to the side, lips pursed as she thinks about it before leaning over Julie’s head and pointing at her phone.

“He’s thinking about Covent Garden. It’s got that design your own ice cream place and looks way cleaner.” They both watch as someone's hand descends over the camera and someone shouts and the phone shakes and then Alex’s face is filling the screen, the snapback on his head doing nothing to stop his hair from falling into his eyes.

“They had a really cool cupcake store, did you go there?” Someone’s hand appears in the frame for a second, and they can hear muttering in the background but Alex just shifts slightly to the left of wherever he’s sat, completely ignoring who she can only assume is Luke and Reggie complaining.

“Mhm,” Julie nods, not even bothering to hide her grin at the annoyed ‘ _Alex_ ’ she can hear one of them make in the background.

“Did you try the triple chocolate one?” Flynn asks, sitting herself down next to Julie on the floor and wordlessly plucking the brush from her hands and picking up the palette she had been using from the ground. She swears, it's like Flynn can read her mind sometimes.

“Yes! It was so good,” Bobby pushes himself into view, chin resting to Alex’s shoulder like he’s draped himself over the drummer's neck like a scarf. From the corner of her eye Julie watches as Alex tries to shrug him off only for Bobby to somehow wrap his arms around his neck, holding on tighter.

“Close your eyes,” Flynn says, brush poised in the air to work and Julie quickly does as instructed.

“I preferred the coconut lime one,” Julie comments and she can hear someone let out a gasp on the phone.

“Over chocolate? Oh man, I didn’t know you had such a bad taste in cakes Julie.”

She bites her lip to stop herself from laughing at Lukes words – who has clearly forced his way back into view of the phone because his voice is close and unmuffled and teasing.

“What are you going to do? Hand up the phone dramatically?” She wishes she could open her eyes, to see his face, see if he remembers saying that. But she doesn’t have to open them to know he remembers when she can hear him laughing, can hear the smile in his voice.

“I would if Alex would give me my phone back.”

“Don’t you dare hang up I want everyone’s opinions on which dress I should wear,” Carrie calls from the bathroom and Julie peeks open one eye to see her poke her head around the doorway to glare at them and the phone before vanishing again.

“Ooo fashion show! Lets go girls!”

Flynn stops tapping at her eyelid and Julie opens her other eye to look at her quickly before glancing down at her phone where half of Reggie’s face takes up the screen, the other three boys fighting in the background.

“Did someone say fashion show?” A new voice joins the chaos on the other end of the phone and Julie frowns a little until Willie’s face joins Reggie's, blocking out the other three and grinning at them. “Woah your eyeshadow looks wicked Julie!”

“All credit for that goes to Flynn,” she says, waving her hands at Flynn as she finally gets the chance to look in the mirror, taking in the magic Flynn has worked on her eyes. It’s all dark purples and hints of silver and specks of glitter and Julie honestly has no idea how she’s done it. She turns her head to give the other girl a wide smile, “Fuck, this is so pretty Flynn!”

“If my music career doesn’t take off I’m going to make a killer makeup artist,” she tosses her braids over one shoulder, eyes glancing up a little as she grins.

“Always good to have a back up career,” Bobby’s face appears between Reggie’s and Willie’s, his arms wrapping around their shoulders. “Mine is landscape gardening.”

There’s a beat of silence on both sides of the phone, even Luke and Alex in the background seem to have gone quiet at their friends' words. Julie opens her mouth, though she’s not sure what she’s going to say, and she can see a similar thing happening to Willie while Bobby is just smiling, either unaware at the confusion he’s caused or knows, and is just extremely pleased with himself.

They’re all saved from breaking the weird silence by Carrie coming out the bathroom, burgundy slip dress swishing above her knees and blonde hair curled down her back, she puts a hand on her hip and rolls her eyes at the phone.

“Robert. You still cut your chin every time you shave, shut up about being a landscape gardener,” after rolling her eyes again, Carrie straightens up a little, brushing down her dress and posing so they can all see, “Now, this is option one!”

Eventually, after Carrie has gone through three dresses – picking the first option, of course – and Flynn has shown off her dark blue halter neck jumpsuit and Julie has twirled in her black lace skater dress, they’ve all done a shot together in solidarity and reapplied lipstick and they’re getting ready to leave. Julie is cradling her phone in front of her face and it’s just Luke on the other end now.

“You look really nice, by the way. Beautiful in fact.” He rubs at the back of his neck, an almost shy smile on his lips as he looks at her.

She gives him a small smile in return, just a twitch of her lips really, even though her stomach feels like it’s exploded in butterflies. Julie knows she doesn’t need someone else's approval on how she looks, but hearing Luke call her _beautiful_ doesn’t exactly hurt.

“Thanks,” she bites her lip, wanting to say something more, but not knowing what. Carrie calls her name from the hotel door, nodding her head to where Flynn is already waiting in the hallway. “I gotta go. Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, yeah. Have a good night. Let me know when you get back okay, okay?” He raises and eyebrow at her and Julie can’t help but let out a small laugh.

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone had a good holiday and a happy new year!!! despite the fact the world is slowly crumbling, i hope everyone managed to find a lil bit of joy somewhere. 
> 
> just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who's commented and left kudos, you're all so freaking lovely!!! i think i replied to everyone, but im kinda a mess so 🤷🏻♀️  
> this chapter kinda got away from me in the emotional sense, didn't mean for it to be so feelings heavy in the second half??? it just sorta happened. and then i made up for it by the last section just being chaotic as heck. 
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/), come talk to me about stuff!


	4. autumn

**autumn**

There was a parcel waiting for her at the school's little post office building. It wasn’t a very big box, about the size of a shoe box, if she had to guess. It was just a little too big to fit in her bag at least. The handwriting on the label was hard to read, the ‘j’ in her name looking more like a ‘t’ and her last name practically blurring together. Julie suddenly understands why the girl working behind the desk had taken so long to find it and looked so unsure when handing it over.

Julie thinks back to her last call with her dad, tries to remember if he’d mentioned sending her anything. But it’s definitely not her dads writing or Victorias, and Carlos’ is messy but never this bad. It’s only when she puts it down on her desk when she’s back in her dorm room that she notices the postmark from France.

Which explains the _who_ of it all, but not the _what_ or the _why_.

With a frown, Julie tears the brown paper away and unfolds the flaps of the plain cardboard box that’s waiting for her. There’s a folded sheet of paper on top of something wrapped in grey tissue paper and she picks it up, carefully unfolding it.

> _Julie,_
> 
> _You gotta get back into music when you’re ready to, not before and not for anyone else. But, for whenever you do, I thought you might like these. And if you never do, you can always use them for school notes or something._
> 
> _See you soon._
> 
> _Luke x_

She holds the note for a moment, staring at the words as if they’ll stop her heart from racing the way it is, because she’s pretty sure she knows what’s hiding under that tissue paper now. Biting her bottom lip Julie puts the note to the side and picks up the gift, gently peeling away the sellotape until she’s faced with two soft notebooks.

The first one is dark purple, soft faux leather with a cluster of stars embossed in the top right corner and the words ‘ _shine bright_ ’ in silver lettering in the opposite bottom corner. Slowly, as if in a trance, Julie runs her fingers over the cover, opens to a random page to see the clean lined pages made of the thick sort of paper that you know won’t tear easily.

The second notebook is a dark blue, but this one has little music notes stamped in the corner. There’s no words or phrases written on this cover and for that she’s thankful because anymore words of encouragement might push her to the edge. She puts the two notebooks down on her desk, side by side.

Sitting back in her chair, Julie simply looks at them for a moment. Let’s herself think about how she feels about them. Because this is more than just some pretty notebooks and a kind message. She wonders if Luke knows, if he realises what that they might mean. But he must. She’s told him all about her struggles with music, how she’s lost that spark that wanted nothing more than to sing and play and write.

And he’d understood it. He’d _got it_. He’d also told her she was magical when she played, something she tried not to think too much about, but still remembered.

And he clearly remembered her mentioning once, in passing, how her favourite type of notebook are the ones that are slightly flexible, but feel solid when you hold them. She’s going to try not to think too much about what _that_ means too. 

Her fingers slowly trace over the lettering on the purple notebook as she thinks over his note.

‘ _When you’re ready_ ’, which is part of the problem really. Because Julie doesn’t know if she’ll ever be ready to play or write properly again without her mom.

But, she’d written with him.

The thought hits her suddenly and out of nowhere, a breath leaving her lips in a rush as she lets it settle within her. She’d been writing with him. She’d been sending him melodies over voice notes. She’d been scribbling lyric ideas in the margins of her work for weeks now.

Over facetime at 3am and on phone calls while she made herself lunch and silly little texts throughout the day. She’d been _writing_ with him. She’d helped him finish songs without that all too familiar sense of **missingmissingmissingmissing** creeping in.

Tapping her fingers along the arm of her chair for a moment, she bites her lip, before shaking her head once and carefully wraps the notebooks back up in their tissue paper and puts them back in their box and pushes the whole thing to the back of her desk. Out of sight, out of mind. Sort of. 

It’s one thing to suddenly realise she’s been slowly edging her way back into music, it’s another to dive head first when she’s not sure if anyone will be there to save her if she goes too deep, too soon.

(It’s two days later and after a facetime call with her dad that she pulls the purple notebook out of the box, picks up a pen, crawls onto her bed and writes something that feels _real_ for the first time in nearly five years.

She calls Luke at 2am her time and 3am his, tears on her cheeks and rasp in her voice from lack of use and asks if she can play him a song. It’s a little rough and the second verse feels unfinished and she rushes through the last chorus too quickly, but when she’s finished the last note she feels more centred then she has in years.

“That was-” Luke trails off, and she can hear him breathing and suddenly wishes she’d done this as a facetime call instead, so she could see his face right now. See what he was thinking, feeling. Instead she’s left with bated breath and chewing on her bottom lip.

“Fuck Julie, that was amazing,” he lets out a short laugh, light and breathy like he can’t believe something, “ _You’re_ amazing. And talented and beautiful and a goddamn _star_.”

He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, with so much conviction and surety in his words that for a moment, Julie believes him wholeheartedly.

“I think the second verse needs something, can you help me figure it out?” She asks after clearing her throat and brushing tears off her face. The simple ‘ _yeah_ ’ she gets in answer makes her smile enough to think about the old notebooks carefully hidden in her suitcase and maybe finally looking at the songs she's avoided. )

//

It wasn’t until she’d started living in a different country, alone, that Julie realised how many different types of _bread_ there were. Which was a weird thing to realise, she knew, but there were just so many to choose from. So many options. _Too_ many options. She really hated having too many options. Decision making really wasn’t one of her special skills. And the longer she stood in front of the bread without Luke talking, the faster her thoughts seemed to loose all sense of focus. 

Holding her phone against her ear Julie picked up the closest loaf of whole wheat bread she saw, it was seeded and while she was sure Victoria would have had something to say about it, she didn’t. Seeded bread it was. Maybe next week she’d branch out and try the weird half and half down on the bottom shelf. God, she needed to get out of the bread aisle. 

Putting the bread in her trolley she pauses for a moment, head tilting to the side to try and hear if Luke had returned to his phone or if she was still on ‘hold’. His version of hold at least, which consisted of him saying ‘ _give me a minute_ ’ and putting his phone down for much longer than a minute while he answered a skype call with his parents.

All she can hear is faint talking in the background, tone of voices but none of the words. Holding the phone with one hand and pushing the trolley with the other, Julie makes her way out of the bread aisle and mentally checks her shopping list in comparison to where she is in the store. She’s half way down the coffee and tea aisle, grabbing for the cheapest jar of coffee she can see, when a huff of air in her ear makes her jump. Clutching the jar close to her chest as she pulls the phone away for a moment and blowing out a breath. Luke’s already started talking when she puts it back, her mind filling in the blanks for what she’s missed.

“– that. Shit timing on their part. What were we talking about again?” There’s something off about his voice. She wouldn’t have noticed it a few months ago, but she can tell now, can hear the forced cheerfulness behind his words. And, if he wasn’t obviously forcing himself to sound happy, Julie would probably take a moment to appreciate she knows him well enough to know his different tones.

But there’s something wrong, and she wants to help him. So far, Luke’s been pretty quiet about his parents, so quite in fact that all Julie really knows about them is their names are Emily and Mitch, that they love him, they don’t get him and that the best way to describe their relationship is ‘strained’. All that she’d picked up from vague mentions and what Reggie had accidentally let slip.

Luke had helped her understand some of her feelings about her mom, listening to her cry at three in the morning, listened to her talk about her dad. She wants to do the same for him. She wants to make sure he knows she'll listen too. So she puts the coffee jar down and slowly starts walking out of the tea and coffee aisle while she talks.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asks, the call, the ‘strained’ relationship, all the unsaid emotions clearly at war in his head. It’s quite on the other end of the phone, all she can hear is his breathing and Julie starts to worry that maybe she’s wrong. Maybe he _doesn’t_ want to talk about it, or maybe he does, but not with her. Not sure which option is worse, she’s just opening her mouth to take it back when Luke blows out a breath and a flat laugh that sounds loud in her ear.

“They just- they don’t _get_ it. What music means. What I’m trying to do with it. They don’t get **me** ,” there’s a pause where Luke laughs again, flat and hollow and so, _so_ wrong, and Julie thinks that’s all he’s going to say, but then he starts talking again. It’s like he’s been shoving plates into a cupboard without stacking them and now he’s opened the door and they’re all crashing to the ground.

“And it’s like, they don’t even seem to try. Not really. They listen to me talk about all these shows we’re playing and how we’re making all these awesome connections all over the world and how we’ve started _recording_ a fucking album. And they’ve gotta be able to tell I’m excited, because Alex is always saying I’ve got no subtlety, and I’m pretty sure I’ve even said in those exact words. That I’m excited. That this is a _huge_ deal for us. And they just - they listen to all that and then they-” he huffs out a breath, and Julie can almost see him shaking his head, at his next words, “And then they ask about what I’m going to do when I get back home. If I’ve given college anymore thought.”

She doesn’t know what to say to that, because well. It _is_ obvious how excited Luke is about the band, about the album they’re making, about music in general. You’d have to be blind not to see it, blind or just deliberately ignoring the obvious. And that’s even without ever having actually seen him play on a stage. If Julie could tell how _good_ he is over staticy and unreliable voice notes and facetime calls, then anyone who’s seen him play live should know for sure.

“You know they’ve never seen us play?” He sounds small, and Julie wishes she was with him right now to give him a hug. 

That explained that, at least. They'd never seen them play. She’s standing in the fucking cereal aisle of a supermarket on a Wednesday afternoon, one hand gripping tightly to the handle of her trolley, and she can hear Luke sniff, wipe at his face and let out a wet laugh and it _hurts_. Julie thinks it’s almost worse than the hollow one and she feels tears spring into her eyes.

“Never?” She asks, because what else can she say? Her parents had never once missed an opportunity to see her play, she can’t even _imagine_ standing on a stage again and her dad or Victoria not being in the audience for the first time.

“Nope,” he pops the ‘p’ and blows out a breath. “And I mean, I guess I could understand them not supporting the band and trying to push college on me if they’d ever actually fucking seen us. But they haven’t. It’s like they’ve just - they’ve decided we’re not good and that it’s all a waste of time. Without any evidence for it. Because, I- I don’t wanna sound egotistical here but fuck, we _are_ good. We’re fucking awesome. And they won’t even consider that as a possibility. That this could **work**.”

“That’s their loss then,” is the first thing that comes out of Julie’s mouth, “Because I’ve only ever seen people's shaky phone videos of you guys playing and that was enough for me to know that you’re good. That you guys are amazing.”

They were more than good really, Luke was right, they were pretty fucking awesome, and if his parents couldn’t see that. Well that was on them.

“Yeah?” he sounds unsure for the first time, and Julie’s reminded that Luke might be a pretty confident guy but even confident people need a little reassurance sometimes. She relaxes her grip on the trolley’s handle and smiles a little.

“Yeah. And if they can’t see that Luke, if they don’t even want to _try_ to see that, that’s on them. And they’ll either realise it soon enough and sort their shit out. Or they’ll try to deny it forever and end up regretting it.” She really hopes they sort their shit out, that his parents wake up and see that their son is gonna be a star, one way or another. And that they’ll want to be there for it, that he _wants_ them there for it, to smile and clap and cheer for him.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen us play,” his laugh this time is lighter, not quite up to his usual infectious quality, but maybe warmer. Softer. Julie doesn’t know how to describe it, but she wants to be able to hear it every day.

“I know, I’m a fake fan clearly.” Julie smiles, blows out a shallow breath as she blinks back the sudden tears that had found her eyes and lets him change the subject. She didn’t come to do her weekly shop expecting an emotional spiral in the cereal aisle of all places. The freezers with the ice cream might have been more appropriate.

“We’ll have to fix that when we’re back on the same stretch of land. Personal concert, just for you.”

The teasing tone is enough to make her roll her eyes and start moving again.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

//

“So we’re back in the UK on December 10th.”

The statement almost makes Julie choke on her drink. And she’s glad that she’d put her phone down while she’d reached for it so Luke couldn’t see her reaction. Theoretically, she’d known they were approaching the end of November, that the band had finished their tour last week and had been using their free time to do some exploring, that they’d be back in the same country soon.

That, despite all her worst thoughts and assumptions, they were still talking. They were _friends_.

Wiping her chin with her sleeve, Julie picks up her phone again, trying her best to keep her face neutral. There’s a chance Luke doesn’t even remember the sort of deal they’d made. It had been nearly twelve months ago and it had been late at night and they’d both been pretty drunk.

“Really?”

He just looks at her, an eyebrow slightly raised and she can see the way he’s biting down on his lower lip. He almost looks – Julie blinks, brow furrowing, he looks _worried_. Which she doesn't understand.

“Are you okay?” She asks, leaning forward to peer closer at her phone like it will be able to give her answers.

“Yeah, yeah I just –” Luke pauses and Julie watches as his eyes seem to circle around his screen (which is technically her face, her mind oh so helpfully supplies) in search of something, and whatever he finds seems to be enough because he blows out a breath and nods once, more to himself she thinks. “We’ll be in the same country again and you’re going home soon and I– I was wondering if you still wanted to try that um night again. Maybe just you and me this time.”

Julie isn’t sure she’s breathing. Her mind has gone blank and all she can hear is her heart beating and Luke is just _looking_ at her. All wide worried eyes and bitten lips and curls escaping from his beanie.

He’d remembered.

And he was asking her – out?

That thought knocks her mind into action again. She opens her mouth to reply, to say something, anything, but all she can get out is a slightly strangled,

“I–” Because Julie had been so _sure_ that if they’d made it to this point and were still friends that Luke wouldn’t want anything more then that from her. She’d cried on the phone to him, _at least_ _twice_.

“I mean we don’t have to I was – it was just an idea y’know? But I mean it’s fine, we–” Luke starts, taking her silence for her trying to let him down gently and not just an internal freak out.

“No!” She doesn’t mean to shout it, but it comes out as a shout anyway, startling them both. Luke just looks at her, mouth still half open and looking confused. Julie has a flashback to seeing him look exactly the same way when she’d said she couldn’t kiss him and it almost makes her giggle. “I mean yes, _yes_ , I want to – to – to see you. To try that night again.”

“You do?” She watches as his confusion morphs into relief and into a smile, lips tugging up and eyes brightening.

“Yeah,” she smiles back, it would be hard _not_ to smile back at him. “So, December 10th. I’m free the weekend after?”

It takes them a while to make a plan, mostly because Luke keeps having to ask Alex or Bobby where they’re staying or when they’re in the studio or what day they’re flying home. And then they bicker over _where_ to meet because ‘ _London is so_ cliche _Julie! We’re not cliche._ ’ which she’s pretty sure their friends would disagree with, but Julie pulls up google on her laptop and they look through different cities and towns until they find one they both like the sound of.

Two hours later after they’ve said goodnight and shared giddy smiles, Julie lies on her bed staring at the ceiling and for the first time since that first night they’d met, she lets herself feel excited for what might happen between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi my loves!! ok, so i know this one is a little shorter, but if you follow me on tumblr you'd know i had a minor break down over it which started with the bread and ended half an hour ago. it was ride. BUT!!! the next (and last!!) chapter will probably be longer and i'm super excited for it because it's the whole reason i wanted to write this fic so gfhjdk
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who's commented or left kudos, you're all super lovely and amazing and i hope you're having good days 💕
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/), come talk to me about stuff!


	5. winter ( again )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **trigger warnings!!** just general swearing

**winter (again)**

From her seat by the front window Julie can see people walking up and down the street, clutching coats closed and shopping bags swinging in the wind that’s been steadily picking up since she’d ducked inside. The sky is grey and she knows the weather people have said it won’t rain, but if she’s learnt anything from her time in the UK it’s that people are very particular about how their tea is made, there’s an unexplainable rivalry between the north and the south of the country and that you should _always_ be prepared for rain.

The little bell over the door dings and she watches a couple walk in laughing about something, wide smiles and raised eyebrows and all the little signs of two people who don’t always need words to talk. It makes her smile a little, tracing small patterns on the table top in split sugar as she tries not to stare at them. That’s what she wants. Someone who makes her laugh, who she can raise her eyebrows at and they’ll automatically know what she means, someone who makes life seem a little easier.

She taps the screen of her phone to check for any messages and tries not to let out a sigh when there’s still nothing new on her screen. It’s still early, there’s still time. To avoid looking at her phone she looks around the cafe, takes in the mismatched tables and the short queue and the way the register makes a little chime every time it’s closed.

Everything about the place has become familiar and comforting over the last year. And she’s really going to miss it when she leaves in a few weeks. Sure there’s cafes back home that do good coffee and a decent lemon sponge. But none of them will have witnessed her crying at 3:30 in the afternoon when she lost half her essay on the use of magic in Shakespeare. That’s just between her, the walls, and poor Sarah who was working that day.

Her phone lights up and Julie tries not to look too excited as she checks it, and then tries not to let her disappointment show when it’s just a notification for her train in forty minutes.

Blowing out a breath she leans back in her seat and lets her eyes wander back to the window. It doesn’t feel like she’s been here a year. That she’d started it a little lost, a little confused, a little broken. She frowns a slightly at that, because well, she’s _still_ a little lost and a little confused and a little broken.

But she has a general direction, and she can write and play music again and she might always be a little broken, but the jagged edges aren’t so sharp anymore. It hurts a little less to breathe and look at the stars.

It’ll be nice when she goes home to be able to look her family in the eye and mean it when she says she’s okay. She really can’t wait to show her dad some of the things she’s been working on. Some of the things she’s finally been able to finish. With the help of Luke.

Julie really can’t wait to tell him about Luke.

Someone calls her name at the same moment that someone walks past her table and bumps into her suitcase next to her chair, and for a moment she forgets where she is as she turns her head, expecting to see floppy hair and a sleeveless shirt and a cocky grin. Instead it’s a middle aged man in a business suit who gives her a quick sorry before walking away. Someone calls her name again and she looks up to see Sarah, standing by the end of the counter with a little paper bag in one hand and a take out cup in the other.

“One vanilla latte and cinnamon swirl for the journey,” she says with a smile, the same kind smile she’d used when Julie had started crying.

“Thanks Sarah.” Julie’s quick to get over her disappointment and get up from her chair to collect her goods, shooting the other girl a grateful smile as she carefully stows the pastry away in her bag and rests her hands on the handle of her suitcase. “Guess I better get going.”

Juile doesn’t know why she’s suddenly so nervous, she’d been fine all week. Nothing but excitement and plans. But now it’s the day of and she feels like she might fall apart from nervous energy. Or throw up. One or the other.

“Hey, you’re gonna have a great weekend chick. We’ll expect you here Tuesday morning to fill us in on all the excitement,” she wriggles her brows as she says it and Julie laughs, shaking her head a little as she starts walking backwards towards the door, case in tow.

“I promise not to spare any details,” Julie grins quickly, shooting her an awkward wave with her coffee before walking out the door, grateful for the scarf wrapped around her neck as the wind blows her hair around her face and Luke’s jacket. She’s about to start walking when her phone chimes from her pocket and, keeping her case in place with one foot, she pulls it out and doesn’t even try to stop the wide smile that breaks out over her face at the text on her screen.

Feeling a little more calm and steady, she takes in a deep breath of cold air and starts walking to the train station.

//

The restaurant is a lot busier then Julie had been expecting it to be. Which, now that she thinks about it, is pretty silly. It’s the last Friday before Christmas, everywhere is obviously going to be busy with last minute shoppers and even people who aren’t organised need to stop to eat.

But it makes her anxious, eyes darting to the door every few seconds because what if it’s too busy and when Luke walks in he can’t see her, so he leaves? Or finds another table and she has to awkwardly walk over to him like she hadn’t gotten her extra early? Or even worse, what if he doesn’t show up at all?

Julie chews on her bottom lip, clasps her hands together in her lap and twists her fingers together, forces herself to stop and pick up her glass of water to try and calm her nerves. Her fingers start tapping an unfamiliar beat on the table cloth as her mind comes up with more and more disastrous scenarios that all seem to end with her having to apologise to her very sweet, but slightly judgemental and overworked waitress who has been to check on her twice already, that she’ll be eating alone and that she’s sorry for taking up her time.

She’s in the middle of trying to decide the least amount of food she could order while not seeming on the verge of tears or like she’s been stood up. Maybe the salad? Or soup. Soup was easy, right? She could eat her soup, leave a generous tip and make it back to her hotel before crying. Half an hour tops.

She only notices the door has opened when she sees it shutting again, and she strains her neck to try and see if someone has come in or left. But there’s no one by the door or the little ‘ _please wait here to be seated_ ’ sign so she slumps back into her chair, draws her hands back into her lap and lets out a little sigh. She’s never been stood up before. She’s especially never been stood up by someone who had text only a few hours earlier that he was excited for their –

“Hey,” a breathy voice above her startles her out of her thoughts and Juile looks up with wide eyes to see Luke. Looking at her. Smiling at her. In front of her.

In a far away part of her mind – the part that is still functioning and cataloging important information – she notices that he’s wearing a soft looking dark blue jumper with a shirt collar peeking out of the top and he’s already draped his coat over the empty chair. It’s the first time she can remember seeing his arms fully covered. And he looks _nice_ , his hair only a little rumpled, like it had been styled before he left but has been running his fingers through it since then and she can’t even see his silly little jean chain that normally holds his wallet. Which means he’d made an effort and she suddenly doesn’t feel so overdressed in her skater skirt and thick tights and pretty top.

His smile faults, just a little and that’s when Julie realises she hasn’t said anything. She’s just been staring at him with her mouth parted and eyes wide. She’s not even sure she’s blinked. Giving her head a small shake and wetting her lips, she smiles at him.

“Hi, I–” she doesn’t know what to say, and gestures a little awkwardly at the chair opposite her, wincing as she hits her knuckles on the underside of the table in the process, “Shit, ow.”

“Are you okay?” He asks as he slides into his chair, concerned eyes going from her face to the hand she’s rubbing and back to her face. A breath catches in her throat as she realises how close they are. There’s no screen or ocean or land mass separating them. Just a table. And god, his eyes are so much prettier than she remembers.

She clears her throat, shaking her head a little at him, “I’m fine. Just misjudged the distance.” She waves her hands in the air a little, like it will prove her point. Though Julie’s not sure _what_ point she’s trying to prove and immediately wrinkles her nose at herself, she’s never felt this out of sorts before. What does she normally do with her hands? Does she normally look someone in the eyes this much? Fuck she’s spiraling and making everything feel awkward. If Luke notices any of it, he doesn’t comment. Or maybe he’s just being polite.

“Good. I uh–” he rubs a hand at the back of his neck and lets out a small chuckle, “I’m sorry I’m late. I uh got a little lost.” He looks around the room before leaning in closer to her, and Julie copies him on instinct, “All the streets around here look the same. And have _weird_ names.”

A laugh bursts past her lips at the frown on his face and she leans back, shaking her head at him. But, whether he did it on purpose or not, the weird, awkward, out of sorts, feeling that she’d had is gone. Replaced with the familiar ease and joy she’s felt every other time they’ve talked in the last year.

“I think they’d call that _culture_ ,” she comments, sliding one of the menus over to him as she notices their waiter walking towards them from the corner of her eye.

“Hi! Can I get you guys something to drink?” Luke looks at her, eyebrow raised and she bites back the urge to grin at him and instead smiles at the girl.

“I’ll take a coke please.”

“I’ll have the same,” he nods once with a polite smile, eyes darting to the waitress once before back to his menu.

A silence falls between them as they look at their menus, and Julie looks up and finds Luke looking at her, a light blush spreading up his neck at being caught, but he doesn’t look away so she doesn’t either.

“You uh, you think they’ll judge me for being American if I get the cheese burger?” He asks quietly, and he’s talking about food but the way he doesn’t pop their sudden little bubble makes Julie want to lean across the table and kiss him. She blinks at that thought, files it away to deal with _later_.

“Probably. But aren’t you used to that by now? Alex said you and Reggie almost got thrown out of a restaurant in Italy for talking about the pizzas,” there’s a teasing smile on her lips that’s rewarded with a look of offence on Luke's face.

“You and Alex talk too much,” he mutters after a moment when he realises he can’t argue with it.

“Where else am I supposed to get these great stories about you from?” But now she’s a little worried she’s overstepped somehow. Did he not like her talking to his friends? With his eyes back on his menu Luke stops the thought from taking roots and forming a worry, probably without even realising he was doing so.

“You could just ask me for them. I’ll tell you every embarrassing story if you asked. Plus, when you talk to Alex or Reg or Bobby it means you’re not talking to me,” he frowns a little at that, eyes still down and she watches as they widen and dart up to look at her. Like he hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud. But he had. And now Juile was grinning at him, leaning her elbows on the table and letting her menu drop to the table.

“Aw Luke, do you like talking to me?” Even though it’s _basically_ what he’s just said, she still kind of wants to hear him say it. So she bites her lip and waits, eyes not leaving his face.

He rolls his eyes, but there’s a smile on his face despite the raising blush on his cheeks. “Oh, of course I like talking to you. It’s my favourite time of day, when we’d facetime or whatever. You made even the shittiest and more exhausting days of the tour feel like the best.”

Now it’s Julie’s turn to blush, and she’s thankful for her darker complexion so it won’t show quite as obviously as Luke’s has. Part of her wants to look away at his words, but she makes herself maintain eye contact, lips pulling into a softer smile.

“Talking to you was my favourite time of day too,” she admits.

For a moment neither of them look away, and it’s like the restaurant around them has faded into static in the background because all Julie can see is Luke looking at her and hear her heart beating quickly in her chest and watching as one of his hands comes up to brush a loose curl behind her ear, fingertips lingering a few second too long on her cheek before he’s pulling back and clearing his throat with a shy smile.

“Well, glad we got that sorted.”

And she knows he doesn’t mean her hair or if they liked talking to each other or if any of the wait staff are judging them.

“I–” Julie starts, clears her own throat and leans back in her chair again, looks up at him through her eyelashes to find him smiling. “Me too.”

//

“I’ve always wondered how they get the lights on trees that big,” Julie murmured, head tilted a little to the side as she looked up at the tree in all its glittering glory.

“Really, _really_ big ladders I’m guessing,” Luke steps up to her side, she can feel his eyes looking at her and she turns her head to see him grinning, “Or stilts.”

Julie rolls her eyes, blowing out an exasperated breath and shoving his shoulder lightly, “Ha, ha,” she mutters, but can’t quite keep the smile off her face either.

“Ow, you asked,” he claps a hand to his bicep, lip sticking out in a pout that just makes her smile wider.

“Have you done any christmas shopping yet?” She asks turning back to the stalls filling the square and trailing off down side streets. The whole place is a little overwhelming, bright lights and a cacophony of voices and too many scents to pinpoint.

But she kind of loves it. She loves it even more when the crowds get a little tight and Luke has to walk right by her side, hands brushing. (She’s still working up the courage to just grab it, but she’s also kind of waiting for him to make the first move. They’re playing a very low stakes game of chicken.)

“I’ve done… some,” he sounds a little like he’s avoiding saying something, but Julie’s willing to let it slide for now for an excuse to look at the different stalls, she glances up at him once before looking back at the stalls. “Do you have a plan of attack for this?”

“I’m thinking we… start on the left and work our way through?” From what she can tell most of the food stalls seem to be in the middle which means they can stop for a snack half way through. She’d passed by a stall with huge meringues when walking to the restaurant earlier and had been dying to get one ever since.

“Lead the way boss,” Luke says, putting his hands on her shoulders only long enough to steer her in the direction she’d chosen and nudge her forward a step. Then he’s stuffing them in his jeans pockets and walking next to her like nothing had happened.

She kinda hates it, him, for the casual touches that don’t last long enough for her to get used to them. Just little touches to her arm or her back or her shoulder, and then gone. The rational side of her knows that she could just grab his hand first, link their fingers together and not let go.

But she’s feeling a little stubborn about it now, especially as they’re stood shoulder to shoulder and looking at a stall of little wooden carvings. Luke lets out a little gasp of excitement and leans down and a little closer until his face is right next to hers and he’s pointing to one of the little name plaques hung at the back with his name on with little music notes dotted around.

“That’s so cool! It’s like they knew I was coming,” he grins – and Julie can feel him grinning because his cheek is almost touching hers and _fuck_ she never knew she wanted to know what his face _felt_ like when he smiled –, excitement evident in his voice and, before she can stop herself, Julie is reaching down to take the hand that’s dangling between them in hers, linking their fingers together and squeezing once. She’s watching him out of the corner of her eyes and sees him freeze for a moment, head dipping down to look at their joint hands and up again quickly to look at her. If it was possible, she’s pretty sure his smile would get bigger, but it can’t, so instead he squeezes her hand back and pulls her away to the next stall. So she gave in first, she’d be more mad about it if Luke’s hand wasn’t warm in hers.

It’s almost like he’d been holding himself back from touching her too much before, because now that’s she’s made the first move and taken his hand, Luke’s wrapping an around around her waist when they walk through the thicker parts of the crowd.

He’s tugging her against his side when they look at homemade soaps, and brushing hair out of her eyes when she picks ones up to smell.

In those little moments between them holding hands and not, his arm slips around her shoulders, fingers tracing pointless patterns into the fabric of his coat and whispering comments into her ear, each time it sends a shiver up her spine and she could swear he smiles when he notices.

And well, she can’t find it in her to be _mad_ about it either. Because everytime he pulls her closer or relinks their fingers a flurry of butterflies are unleashed in her stomach and a giddy feeling of ‘ _oh! he likes me!_ ’ fills her head.

It’s both infuriating and intoxicating.

After an hour, and weaving through rows of stalls and reaching the food section, it starts to snow. Little flurries of white flakes spinning in the air and Julie lets go of Luke’s hand to use both of hers to try and catch them.

She’s seen snow a few times in her life by now, but it doesn’t make it any less exciting each time. A few tiny flakes land in the palm of her hands and she pulls them close to her face, unable to stop the excited giggle that leaves her lips as she watches the flakes melt away into her skin. The flakes start coming down a little quicker and a little bigger and she turns in a slow circle, head thrown back to watch them before remembering she’s in public and must look a little crazy right now.

Trying not to blush, Julie bites her lip and turns around to find Luke, who’s already looking at her with a look on his face that she can’t describe. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes are just _looking_ at her, softly and fiercely and like he is seeing something wondrous. She does blush now, and looks away from him, brushing hair in front of her face because she doesn’t want to try and name the look on his face. Not right now.

Someone bumps into her from the side and Julie stumbles slightly, then Luke is next to her, arm around her waist and smiling softly.

“Hot chocolate or mulled wine?” He asks quietly, nodding in the direction of a wood fronted food truck. The look in his eyes is less intense now, or maybe she’d just imagined it. Caught up in the wonder of the snow and maybe he had been too. Julie looks at the menu, if only for something to do before glancing up at him.

“Hot chocolate. Extra cream.”

//

Cups of hot chocolate in hand, they slowly walk through the rest of the market stalls, buying little souvenirs and trinkets sometimes, but mostly just talking. Laughing.

It’s only as the sky starts turning orange in the slowing snow that Julie notices they’ve left the main section of the Christmas market behind and are walking through the streets towards the river. There’s less people on the streets now so they don’t really have to walk as close, but Julie isn’t about to put any distance between them and it doesn’t seem like Luke is either.

As they get closer to the wall overlooking the river Julie realises that the sun is setting. It doesn’t feel like they’ve only spent four hours together. That four hours ago she’d been sitting in a restaurant and worrying that he wasn’t going to show up. Worrying that the last year of her life talking to him hadn’t meant the same to him. Which just seems so silly now, that she’d ever thought that. Hindsight she supposes.

“Why’d you call the band _Sunset Curve_?” She asks, it’s something that she’s idly thought about in passing, but never remembered to ask. Luke huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes, starts swinging their linked hands as they walk.

“We spent ages arguing about the name and Bobby said we should just throw a bunch of options into a hat and the one we pulled out would be the band name,” he shrugs, turning to look at her, “We got Alex’s little sister to pick one because we all started thinking one of us was gonna cheat. She pulled out Sunset Curve, Reggie _literally_ yee-hawed, and we’ve been that ever since.”

“That’s… anti-climatic to be honest,” Julie laughs, and laughs a little more when he frowns at her. “You hear some of the lyrics you write and you’d think the band name would have more meaning.”

“You think we should lie about our band origins?” He puts his free hand on his chest in mock offense, drawing his brows together as he looks down at her, “And I thought you’d be against lying Miss Molina.”

“Oh shut up,” she laughs, pushing him away from her which backfires when Luke just pulls her along with him, using the momentum she’d given him to pull her flush against his side as he brings them to a stop by the river wall, wrapping one around around her waist and Julie lets her head rest on his shoulder, perfectly happy to stay in his warmth.

“I mean–” she starts, eyes looking out over the river and the reflection of the sunset in it, “Sunsets are all about endings but also beginnings, y’know? They’re this moment of change that only happens twice a day, you see the sun starting to go down and you know that– that you can start to _rest_. That the day’s coming to an end and if it’s been hard you can take a breath. Try again tomorrow. And they’re beautiful, sunsets. Even the most dull ones are beautiful. Every night the sky paints us a picture with orange and red and purple and sometimes _green_ and–” Julie pauses to blow out a breath and turns her head to look up at Luke who’s once again already looking at her, but she doesn’t mind the look in his eyes this time. “I think sunsets are magical moments. And I think it makes sense that your band is called _Sunset Curve_ because I think you’re pretty magical too, Luke.”

It feels like a cheesy thing to say. And inadequate compared to some of the things he’s called her. But the words are out in the open now and she can’t take them back. Just watch the way his eyes glimmer and his smile turns soft.

“You think I’m magical?” He asks.

And maybe it’s the sun setting in front of them, or the snow that’s still falling around them, or the extra cream from her hot chocolate, but all of sudden Julie feels extremely brave.

“I think you’re wonderful and talented and funny and cute and _so_ many things. But yeah, I’d say you’re pretty magical.” She holds her breath as she waits to see what he’ll do or say in response, and when all he does is let his eyes roam across her face, Julie almost opens her mouth to take it back.

But then.

 _Oh_.

Her heart stutters a beat as he dips and tilts his head to press a kiss into her temple, lips lingering for a few seconds and she could swear she feels them move, whispered words that she can’t hear, lost to the snow and setting sun. Luke pulls back just enough to see her face and smiles at her, one eye dropping into a wink that almost makes her burst out laughing and ruining the mood.

“I think you’re pretty magical too.”

//

With the sun setting the snow seemed to start falling in earnest and a breeze started to blow up from the river that chased them back to the shelter of the streets, hands clasped and giggling the whole way.

It’s only just after five, but Julie’s fingers started feeling like ice-cubes half an hour ago and she knows even Luke’s starting to feel the cold with the way he’s been trying to hide his face further into his coat.

“Do you want to maybe um–” He rubs the back of his neck as they wander aimlessly past stalls they’ve already visited, “Head back to the hotel and warm up? With drinks! Hot drinks. Or food. Not– I–” he starts stuttering and Julie bites her lip to stop from laughing too much at him before taking pity and nodding.

“Warming up with hot food or drinks at the hotel sounds good to me.”

They hadn’t _intentionally_ booked the same hotel to stay in, it just so happened to be the one with the best deal on for the weekend they’d arranged to come. And if it meant things were a little more _convenient_ for them, then well, who was Julie to complain?

“Should have bought those knitted gloves at that stall,” she mutters, mostly to herself, as she pushes the hand Luke isn’t holding into her coat pocket, and wishing it came with built in hand warmers or something.

“You would have looked incredibly cute in bright green gloves, especially with the matching hat,” Luke grins, but starts rubbing little circles with his thumb into the hand he’s holding in an attempt to warm her up.

“I think that would have clashed with this _very_ nice coat I’m wearing,” Julie grins, turning her body to face him even as she keeps walking so he can see the coat clearly, just in case he _hadn't_ noticed that it was his. (But she’d seen the way his eyes had traveled over her body earlier when she’d first put it back on inside the restaurant, the way they’d glazed over for a moment before he’d blinked and given her a lazy half smile that had filled her with warmth.)

“That is a very nice jacket,” Luke agreed with a grin, shoulder bumping against hers as she shifted back to his side as they walked down the street.

“Thanks. I stole it from some guy I met on a night out, never saw him again to return it.”

“Probably for the best, it looks better on you anyway,” he uses his empty hand to reach across and tug at the collar, knuckles brushing across her cheek as he does so. And Julie knows that was on purpose from the way he keeps eye contact the whole time.

“Stop. You can’t say things like that to me,” she doesn’t mean to whisper it, but it comes out low anyway, lips barely moving as her eyes roam across his face, slight furrow between her brows. God she wants to kiss him. She wants to fall asleep wrapped in his arms and wake up in the morning to his stupid face. But there’s a little voice in the back of her head that’s whispering doubts and she hates it.

“Why not?”

They’ve stopped walking now, Luke pulling them to the side without Julie putting up a fight as he guides her until they’re stood in a small alleyway between a bookshop and a bakery. Fairy lights and tinsel and a little fake Christmas tree’s lights illuminating them in the semi-darkness. There’s untouched snow on the ground around them and every time one of them breathes out clouds of air mix together. It makes her feel a little like a dragon, and somehow that makes her feel a little brave too.

“Because– _fuck_! When you say stuff like that it makes me want to kiss you,” Julie bits her lip as she looks up at him, shaking her head once, shoulders shrugging helplessly because she’s pretty sure he wants to kiss her too, but what if she’s _wrong_? She really doesn’t want to be wrong about this.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Luke raises an eyebrow at her, and she can tell he’s trying really hard to keep a smile off his face and his feet firmly on the ground. The jittery hands at his sides a dead give away, and under other circumstances she would probably find it incredibly endearing. How excited he apparently is. But she’s going through some thoughts here, so that will have to wait.

“No. Yes. I mean– I – No. It’s not a _bad_ thing because I _want_ to kiss you but I don’t know if _you_ want to kiss _me_ the way _I_ want to kiss _you_ and what if we do kiss and it’s _**terrible**_? Because we’ve built it up now, like a lot. Like, twelve whole months. And if it’s terrible then that’s my fault because _I_ said no that first night but if it’s–”

Luke cuts her off by gently grabbing her hands that she hadn’t even realised she’d begun waving around in the air, and kisses her fingers, one at a time, eyes wide and dancing with an emotion she can’t place and then his lips are finally pulling into that wide smile he’s so clearly been trying to hide.

The one that she’s grown to love so much over the last year. The one that looks _so_ much better in person.

“Julie, stop thinking about it so much,” he whispers.

And then he’s kissing her.

Lips soft and slow, and hands in her hair and hers around his neck, pulling him _closer_ , _closer_ , _closer_ , and they’re smiling against each other's lips. And it’s awkward and a little cold and a lot rushed and it’s _perfect_.

Luke pulls away first, breathing heavily and rests his forehead against hers, she can feel his breath across her nose and ruffling her eyelashes. She smiles, presses a kiss into his chin and lets her hands fall from his neck to around his waist and tries to pull him closer still.

Because she wants too, and because she’s still cold and hugging Luke is something she’s wanted to do for twelve months now.

“You’re right, that was terrible,” Luke teases as he pulls away just enough to detangle his fingers from her hair and wrap them around her shoulders. Julie digs her fingers into his sides, feeling his squirm and let out a giggle, which she files away for later. “Just means we’ll have to practice a bit. Or a lot. Somewhere warm. Preferably on a bed. But I’ll take a couch too.”

He’s rambling, and Julie smiles into his chest before she pulls back to look at him with a raised brow.

“Then I guess we better get back to the hotel for hot food and drinks and practicing,” she teases, hands trailing up his sides and down his arms still wrapped around her shoulders until she reaches his hands and links their fingers together, stepping backwards out of the alley and tugging him with her.

He follows her willingly, with a smile on his face and they make it all of three steps before he’s tugging on their joint hands to bring her closer and then he’s kissing her again in the middle of the street under an old fashioned street light with snow falling around them.

It’s magical and amazing and the things people write songs about. And she can’t wait to get to write about it with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi!! thank you if you've stuck with me on this long lil journey!! everyone comments and all the kudos have been so lovely and reading through them really filled me with a lot of joy that so many people liked this silly little thing that started because i had a dream lmao
> 
> i have a bunch of extra igs/texts/tweets that i didn't get to use so i might add another chapter with all those it at some point but until then this story is finished 💕
> 
> for anyone interested i have a juke runaway royalty au in the works that i think i might start posted soon, but 😬 its a little up in the air rn
> 
> anyway!!!  
> thank you all so very much!!   
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


	6. extras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of the images don't load they can be found on tumblr[here](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/643663034752122880) and [here](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/post/643663038541660160)

[ Luke curses as the flash goes off in the mostly empty airport cafe, giving Julie a wide smile as she looks over at him. Hood pulled put because her ears were cold despite her hair and his hat -– his heart still feels warm and tingly as he looks at her wearing _his_ hat –- and she frowns a little. 

"Wanna buy a shit load of snacks for the flight?" he asks before she can ask what he's doing, there's a moment where he thinks she's still going to. And then her mouth softens into a smile and she's rolling her eyes, shutting her laptop and gathering her things. 

"Sure." There's no hesitation as she grabs his offered hand, fingers linking and Luke can't believe it's only been a week since he'd been able to do this. ] 

[ "Maybe we should change the arrangement around? Start here-" Julie taps at his notebook and then traces her finger down, circling around a different section humming as she goes. Luke forgets what they're doing, where they are and that there's a deadline waiting for them. Because Julie is sitting next to him on a piano bench, quietly singing the words they've written together as she leans her body into his. He doesn't know how he got so lucky. Smiling, he presses a kiss to her temple, shrugging when she looks up at him curiously. ]

[ Julie grips tighter to Lukes hands as they approach the first corner of the ice rink, legs tensing as she worries, for a heartbeat, that they're going to crash into it. But then Luke is gently pulling her, turning her, guiding her, and they've not crashed. She looks up at him over her shoulder. 

"How are you so good at this?" She doesn't _mean_ to whine, but that's what it comes out as. Julie had fully expected Luke to be as bad as this as she was. He simply shrugs as he keeps them going straight, the arm around her waist warm even through all her layers. 

"I'm a man of many talents." ] 

[ If Luke's soft playing hadn't woken her up, the light streaming through the windows would have. But she'd take the music over the light any day. She doesn't know what he's playing, something soft and new, and even without lyrics is makes her feel warm inside. Makes her want to wrap her arms around him and burrow into his chest and never let go. Tilting her head on her pillow, Julie just watches him quietly for a while with a soft smile. He pauses his playing to write something down and Julie moves then. Kneels on the bed and shuffles over to him, arms going around his neck and dropping a kiss to his shoulder. 

"Hi," she whispers and even though she can only see the side of his face, she watches his lips pull up into a smile. ]

* * *

**rehearsal**

* * *

**from reggie**

* * *

**girls road trip via carrie**

* * *

**extras!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hi my loves this took me longer to sort out then i thought it would ghfjd i was gonna add little caption moments for them all but it got a lot and i gave up i'm sorry ghfdj
> 
> the last 2 i just genuinely had no clue what to do with me but i thought the reggie one was funny and i just thikn that photo of charlie and savannah is very underrated so i threw 'em in!! 
> 
> anyway!!!  
> thank you all so very much!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


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